In case you haven't noticed, it's Baby Shower Week at Kids.Woot! We're offering up all the gizmos and gadgets that new moms want for their adorable little bundles of snot, poop and spit-up. From diaper bags to sleep sacks and everything in between, you can buy it all for yourself of your favorite mom-to-be.
What you won't find in our endless array of kid wares is answers. Answers to the burning questions new moms may be too afraid to ask, or the ones no one wants to own up to because they've buried the memories deep, deep down inside.
We believe in brutal truth here at Woot, so we've gathered some of our favorite new-mom questions and asked our seasoned veterans for their honest opinions. You ready? Be sure. Because after you read these, life will never be the same. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Q: Does it hurt?
A: Are you freaking kidding us? YES IT HURTS. How bad depends on your particular tolerance and chosen pain management. If you don't want to feel any pain, might we suggest a hammer? We have heard that, over time, memory of the pain washes away so you're more likely to have a second or third child. We're still waiting.
Q: Will I ever sleep again?
A: Not for a very long time. We're not gonna lie, it's tough. New babies' sleep schedules are all wonky. Some of the things we found helpful: weaning off of pacifiers as early as possible (so you aren't up every half hour popping it back in their scream holes), sleep training or co-sleeping if that works best for your family.
Q: Do I really need all this crap people are buying for me?
A: We're conflicted by our need to SELL ALL THE THINGZ and also be real. So the quick answer is: no. You don't NEED any of it. The long answer: some of these things make life with a new baby a little easier. Our must-haves: Crib. Diapers. Clothes. Blankets. Food source (boobs or bottles). Our nice-to-haves: Everything else. Our don't-need-under-any-circumstance: wipe warmers. Seriously, come on.
Q: What if I'm a bad mom?
A: Don't worry. No one will tell you. We'll just all talk about you behind your back. That's not actually true. People will tell you all the time what a terrible person you are. Unsolicited. It's pretty rad. But think of it this way: if you're worried about being a bad mom, you're already on your way to being a good one.
Q: Is it OK to give my kid Benadryl so I can get some quiet time?
A: No. But we didn't let that stop us.
That about does it for this edition of Truth Bombs. Got any burning questions you'd like answered, or some additional or contrary advice to new moms based on our responses? Hit us up in the comments!