At the time of this writing, we haven’t yet read Superman #700. We’ve only heard the rumors.

And, to be fair, people who supposedly are in the know have said that all the rumors are just total bunk. But then there’s this. Which really makes us worried… could they still be true?

And if they are, and the new direction for Superman is a guy taking a walk across America… well, okay, whatever. Comics haven’t been for kids in like a decade anyway. But, you know what? This Superman Inflato-Suit is.

Because even if ol’Clark is doing the Charles Kuralt thing and heading off to see the glorious highways and byways of his adopted country, there’s still no reason why YOUR kid can’t race locomotives that look like the family dog, dodge imaginary speeding bullets, and leap tall buildings made from pillows in a single bound. And copyright laws be damned, there’s no reason why you can’t tell that kid all those classic old stories you loved when you were a kid and Superman was split into two guys who had electromagnetic powers and… okay, maybe Grandad still has some comics lying around.

The point is, no matter what strange Jungian time-travel mysticism comes out of the current creative team, it doesn’t matter. Because Superman is greater than that, and he’s something that all kids, in their hearts, secretly want to be. Even the ones who say the like Batman best still want to fly to the moon! So help them learn what Superman is truly about, by teaching them yourself, and giving them a Superman Inflato-Suit to help out along the way.

And who knows? Maybe six months from now, we’ll all be saying “Wow. That Superman run wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be.”

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