This week on “The Restaurateur”: Chef Rummsy turns a two star bistro into a four star child’s kitchen!

Good morning, everyone. Please, be seated. Now, you’ve had a week off to think about that disaster of a dinner party, but let’s just watch this video I made as a recap.

“Boy, this lasagna is really good!”
“The service here is amazing!”
“Best dinner I ever had. I feel like family now.”

Right. As you can see, the dinner party was the worst thing ever from my perspective. Because, as someone who owns a competing restaurant, having you guys here really takes away from my potential earnings. That’s why I chose you specifically for a little kitchen makeover. Come on. Come see the magic I’ve brought you.

Okay, everybody in the back, let’s take a look. Pretty good, right? That’s a brand new Step2 Lifestyle Welcome Home Kitchen in there! Exactly the one my kids play with! Jack, remember how you said your dream was to buy a new granite countertop for your work station? Well, there it is! Looks exactly like granite! It isn’t, of course, because it’s a child’s toy, but it looks like it! It’s your dream come true!

And Dolly, oh, bless. Remember how you doted over that coal-fired oven your mother brought from Italy in 1930? Well, I smashed that in the parking lot. Now you can enjoy a “Stainless steel” oven and microwave instead! It goes without saying they don’t actually heat food, because they’re just toys. Toys that mean people will start coming to my restaurant instead of yours.

Aw, Susan, are those happy tears I see? You’re crying like a regular faucet! Well, except for the faucet on the Step2 Lifestyle Welcome Home Kitchen. Because that’s a toy too. In fact, all the cooking you’ll be doing on this thing will be imaginary. Here, let me show you. First I get the imaginary butter out of the pretend refrigerator, then I put it in this included sound effect enabled frying pan- hey, do you hear that? That’s the sound of frying! Pretty neat, isn’t it? But it’s not real frying! Because your real frying’s too good! And I didn’t get to where I am now by letting the competition surpass me!

So here’s the vegetable basket and here’s where you’ll put the pretend boiling pot after you imagine that you’ve washed it, and here’s a little cell phone you can use to imagine that you’re taking reservations. Incidentally, I also took the liberty of shutting off your real phone service, since without a professional kitchen, you’re not going to be a popular dinner spot any more, are you? I expect to buy this place for pennies on the dollar a week or two. Then it’ll be the new flagship of my personal Chef Rummsy brand. Ha ha! I win again! Why did you ever even trust me?

Don’t worry, little David. I know you’ll be sad that you’ll never grow up to run your great-grandfather’s bistro. But it’s not all bad! You can keep the Step2 Lifestyle Welcome Home Kitchen! Hey, see that cute little window? It really adds a realistic feel, doesn’t it? Just like being in a real kitchen? And I should know, because I’m… The Restaurateur.

Now everyone has to be out of here by noon or I’m calling the cops.

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