“Well, Mister Rand. It seems we meet again.”

“Oh, Derek!”

“Quiet, sweet Tudayucan Byaglobe, this is spy business here.”

“Well said, Mister Rand! Well said! I applaud your bravado!”

“Thank you, Dr. Childish. But I don’t deserve the accolades. I should have known you were behind this from the start. Only you would have thought to attack Brazil during Carnival.”

“Oh, Derek!”

“Tudayucan, remember what we discussed back in the hot tub? That you could tag along only if you kept quiet?”

“Mister Rand, do not castigate your lovely companion on my behalf. For, while I cannot deny it was my hand that pulled the lever that opened the trap door that allowed the mirror to rise up and align properly according to the magnetic ley lines that pigeons follow as they circle the Earth thus ensuring that my M.A.S.E.R. satellite would be able to fire the pre-positioned beam from a geo-synchronistic orbit which-”

“Dr. Childish, can we skip a bit here, we’ve both already read the file.”

“Ah, of course, Mister Rand. Where are my manners? What I meant to say was that the execution was all me, but the plan, ah! That belonged to the Discovery Kids Spark Talking Globe.”

“Oh, Derek!”

“Honestly, Tudayucan! I’m sorry, Dr. Childish, she’s normally much more well behaved. Please, continue.”

“Yes, the Discovery Kids Spark Talking Globe! You’ll notice of course, Mister Rand, this wonderful device is touch sensitive, making it easy for me to learn all about a nation’s culture far in advance. Here, try it for yourself!”

In Brazil, everyone celebrates Carnival!

“Yes, Dr. Childish, an ingenious device. But, tell me, how were you able to infiltrate the government itself? How were you able to learn the language?”

“Ah, yes! A fine question, Mister Rand! But, as you will soon see, the Discovery Kids Spark Talking Globe also teaches me a bit of the local language too! See! See!”

I’ll let you in on a little secret, in Kenya they say “hujambo” to say “hello”. Hujambo means “hello” in Swahili.

“Astounding, Dr. Childish!”

“I know! Plus there’s ten activity modes to learn all about animals, food, sports, and all sorts of things. It’s the perfect globe for an evil genius determined to take over the entire world! And also good for kids ages four and up.”

“Oh, Derek!”

“Listen, Childy, we’ve known each other for a long time. How about if you help me out of this, you know, ‘situation’ with the b-i-m-b-o and then I’ll owe you one next time? Okay? Like that time back in Macau?”

“Well… all right, Randy, old pal. Anything for an old schoolmate. Just remember, the next time I invade Montana, you can’t interfere.”

“Agreed.”

“Excellent. Well, Miss Byaglobe, why don’t you come over here and take a look at this lovely trap door I’ve installed over the pit full of hungry bears? It’s such a wonderful view, I’m sure you’ll be pleased.”

“Oh, Derek!”

“It’s okay, darling, go with him. I’ve got to dismantle this Discovery Kids Spark Talking Globe. And then I need to sell my ranch in Billings. It’s a shame, too. I loved that place.”

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