People ask me how I was the first baby to start a corporation. And I say: it came from knowing how to change.

I remember the day I was born, not so long ago. It was in a room full of people just like me. But the difference? The difference was that when I got my little naked butt slapped, I didn’t cry. I considered. I said “How can I make this system better?” And before the end of the day I’d made a lateral move into the nursery and the doctor who delivered me was gone for the day. And to this day, I still haven’t heard his name among my playgroup.

That’s the kind of change I bring to the table, Fisher-Price EZ Bundle 4 in 1. That’s what you’ll be dealing with every day at InfanCorp. Do you think you can keep up with a baby like me? Let’s see what you’ve got.

Okay, well, it says here you grow with a baby, that’s pretty useful. And you’ve got experience as an Infant Seat, I like that, I like that a lot. Tell me a little about this Infant Swing business. Oh, six different speeds? And you’ll easily convert to a High Chair for sit-up feeding? Seems like that could save a lot of money, you doing four different jobs like that.

That’s right, Fisher-Price EZ Bundle 4 in 1, I said four jobs. I’ve got an opening in my Toddle Chair department and I think you’ll be perfect. I’ll expect you to hold up to fifty pounds, though, so if that’s a problem… well, if you’re designed to hold up to fifty pounds, then we’re set! Welcome aboard, Fisher-Price EZ Bundle 4 in 1. I think you’ll be comfortable and breathable against my young and tender skin.

This time next year, maybe I’ll be making you my Vice President In Charge Of Spitting Up. That’s right, Fisher-Price

EZ Bundle 4 in 1. This company’s expanding, and you’re coming along for the ride. Now find me my teddy bear, I need to dictate a letter to my Congressman about getting in on those subsidies.

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