Ricky, these Thomas the Engine toys are fun. But promise me one thing: if a real train starts talking to you, you get out of its way.

Sure, Thomas is smiling. And all his friends look happy and cheerful, but out there in the real world, trains are mean, Ricky. Real mean.

Out there, Duke the coal car’s not going to stop and chat. In the real world, Duke the coal car’s only got one thing to say, and that’s “TOOT TOOT” and he’s only got one thing on his mind and that’s “get this coal to where this coal ought to be.” And it don’t matter if there’s some smiling boy in a baseball cap waving to him as he rapidly approaches.

In the real world, trains don’t just wait happily in their roundhouse display. They don’t ride around, through covered bridges, over open bridges, and along tracks with operable signals like they do in your Tidmouth Sheds Deluxe Set. You don’t get to tell trains where to go in the real world like you do on your Island of Sodor Play Table.

No, Ricky. Out there, the trains go one direction: forward. And they go one speed: hard. They’ll bowl over anything in their way. And they got no lessons to teach, neither. Unless you count “how it feels to have several tons of steel and momentum come down upon you” as a lesson.

So enjoy these play sets and their 10 friendly-seeming train cars. But don’t get too comfortable around them. Because that’s how they get you.

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