Come in, Father. Please close the door, and sit down in this chair. I have a few questions for you.

First of all, Father, I want you to know that my sister is talking to Mother in the other room, so if you want to make a deal… well, once we start, I can’t promise any immunity. No? You’re a brave man, Father. Here, take hold of this Spy Gear Lie Detector Kit and we can begin.

Let’s start with an easy question. According to the included tip book, that’s a good psychological trick to give you a feeling of confidence. Let’s see… I know! Did my goldfish Captain Aqualord really go to a farm last summer? Yes? Well, Father, thank you for showing me that the Spy Gear Lie Detector Kit actually works.

You see, just like a real polygraph, the Spy Gear Lie Detector Kit measures reactions on the skin. Of course, it’s not as sophisticated as the kind the Feds use, but then again, you’re not a very good liar, are you, Father? Oh, I’ve got all the data here, written down on this paper with the included invisible ink Secret Agent Pen. You can’t see it, but trust me, when I shine the decoder light, it’ll all be clear. As clear as what happened to poor Captain Aqualord. Did you really think you could cover it up? That I wouldn’t hear the flush?

So why am I pausing? Because, Father. I want to give you a chance to do the right thing. You’ve got a future ahead of you, maybe college. I don’t want this on your record. So how about you work with me here, huh? I could get you a soda or some pizza if you cooperate. Hey, we could go to a ball game! You want to see a ball game with your son? Just tell me what I want to hear, and we can leave right now! Still get the good seats, I bet!

Well, you’re a tough one, Father. I bet you and Mother think you’ll get away with it. But you leave me no choice now. Please take hold of the Spy Gear Lie Detector Kit and answer my question. And remember, Father… I gave you a chance to do it the easy way.

So. Father. My question to you is this. Where do babies come from?

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