Some kids just want to tear their imaginary world apart.
"Let's just be honest," Tim told his wife. "That kid is a living, breathing whirlwind of destruction and mayhem, who almost literally vibrates with a barely contained emotional rage that will one day make his future therapist very VERY rich. That sort of limits the kind of toy we can buy him for his birthday."
Michelle gave Tim a gentle smack in the chest. "That is an awful thing to say about your nephew."
"Just because it's awful doesn't mean it isn't true. Remember, this is the same kid who tried to convince our youngest daughter she could fly, just for the fun of watching her fall. Have you ever looked at Jake's face when you tell him his cousin's coming over? You haven't. Want to know why? Because the moment you say 'Dakody' he's already running to his bedroom to hide anything he doesn't want broken 'accidentally.' Heck, everything we've ever bought him hasn't lasted more than three weeks before being smash to bits. I'm telling you, the kid has more issues than Highlights for Children."
"Not that I'm agreeing with you, but none of that changes the fact that he's just a child, and even somewhat precocious children get gifts on their birthday."
"Oh, I know. I've seen The Omen."
Michelle stopped scanning the toy store shelves to shoot Tim an angry look. "Not helping. Now what about action figures? He likes playing with those, right?"
"'Playing' isn't the right word, Michelle. More like, 'ruling over them with a meaty, joint-snapping fist.'"
"Well then, what about these modeling clay sets? Those are fun."
"I'll give you one guess whose carpet that gets mashed into, and it's not going to be his mom's. And that's not even mentioning what'll happen if he balls that stuff up and let's it dry. Everything in Dakody's hands has the potential to be a projectile weapon."
"Okay, smart aleck, what do you think we should do? It's not like they make a lot of toys out of cardboard, Tim! If it were up to me, we'd get him a set of sixty sturdy, easy-to-assemble cardboard bricks that came in three different colors so he could build walls he could bust through or trap his toys or whatever, but they just aren't available to us, okay?"
Tim coughed and pointed to the bottom of the shelf he was standing in front of. "You mean like these Melissa & Doug 60-piece Cardboard Blocks?"
Michelle walked over to Tim and looked down. "Huh. Well, those will work. We should probably grab three. You know how he is."
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