It’s not a “doll house”. It’s an action-figure house. You can tell because I’m playing with it, and I’m a boy.

And maybe not even a house. Maybe more like a headquarters. Or a hideout. Yeah, a secret action hideout up in the trees, with a rope ladder and a trap door and some stairs you can pull up in case of enemies. Look at all the awesome hiding places for snipers. This is no place for a bunch of dolls.

So what if there’s a hammock and a porch swing? Action figures need rest, too. That’s why I call the hammock a “collapsible bivouac” and the porch swing a “sentry perch”. It sounds way more actiony that way.

Unfortunately, I set all my action figures on fire. So I had to borrow some of my sister’s dolls. But when I play with them, they’re not dolls anymore, see? And this Melissa and Doug 4000 Tree House Playset is definitely not a doll house. Who cares if my action figures have pigtails and wear dresses? Haven’t you ever seen Braveheart?

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