All this week in the Deal Cafeteria our Lunch Lady serves up a back-to-school treat. Prepare yourself for September!

Don't crowd, wee ones, don't crowd. Also you kids in the back, stop giggling at how the Lunch Lady said wee! It's a word from Scotland and it's perfectly clean! It means small!

Just for that, you're not getting any gravy on your lapdesks. Go on, try to choke down the 2" padded cushion without gravy. It's nigh-impossible! I say nigh because it is easier to eat than the pancakes we serve for breakfast, and there's always one kid who eats all those just fine. I've learned that there's always one kid who can eat anything, no matter how bad-tasting we make it.

But he won't be chomping through the 12" goose-neck LED lamp without some gravy! I suggest you let it pool in the built-in drink holder so it keeps warm, then maybe mix it with a few mashed potatoes. No, no, don't turn to see if the vending machine's fixed yet. I'm the one who has to call the repair man, which means it might be ages yet! See? I'm not trapped in here with you, you're trapped in here with me! Muhahahahaha!

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