Hello, all you cats and kittens out there, I’m the Galactic Engineer, caretaker and keeper of the trans-funk-lantic interstellar machine, the Space Train. So sit on back and dig as we take a little tour of the soulniverse.

Our first stop, the Red Planet. Yeah, that’s where mankind’s got to go. That’s why we built this KidKraft Deluxe Glow-in-the-Dark Space Train Station in the first place. To get from planet A to planet B in style. If you look to your left, you’ll see the mothership on the platform. That’s gonna take us to new heights, baby. Settle in, because this space train is taking a left.

Aw, look there. It’s Luna. That’s the moon, and you know this. They say there ain’t no life on the moon, but they also say that a space train is a bad idea from a budget standpoint. Know what I say to that? I say SHUT UP BEFORE I WHIP YOU LIKE YOU WAS CAUGHT IN A LAGRANGIAN POINT WITH MY BELT. Aw, yeah. Check it out, she’s all glowin’ in the dark.

What’s that? It ain’t nothing but a space thing, baby. That’s Galactic Central Station, where we can pick up and discharge. That’s where we start from, and where we finish. Hey, you ever seen one of them talking Tank Engines they got in London? Yeah, first time I saw that, I thought I’d been slipped a bad batch of Tang, if you understand me. But Tom and all his friends, they can fit on my track just fine, and it’s cool with me. Life’s too short to hate. When I see ‘em go past, haulin’ them aliens, I just wave.

Strap it down, now, because we’re about to go into Train Warp! Awwwwwwwww yeaaaaaaaaaaaah. I make this run all the time. The bureaucrats keep talking like a Space Train might be too funky for what it costs. That’s why I gotta stand up and say WHY DON’T YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, EARTHY, LEST I PUT ALL SIXTEEN INCHES OF MY FOOT IN IT? every once in a while. It ain’t no thing. Not for the Space Train.

Get settled in now, because we might need to hit the brakes. There’s some alien that keeps tying some lady up to the tracks to try and get her to sign over the deed to her Space Ranch. But the Galactic Engineer gonna make everything allllll right, dig? Cause he knows folks got to get places with soul, and space is the place. Awwww yeahhhh.

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