This Graco Stylus Travel System is perfect for my child’s Graco-Roamin’ needs! Ha ha! Get it? Anyone? Hmph.

Come on, my little baby. We don’t want you growing up in a town like this. These people, they’ve obviously got no sense of humor. My joke was a textbook example of an intelligent classics-based pun, and they don’t even react? You ask me, it’s a clear and present sign the schools in this district aren’t at all up to par.

So you and me, baby, we’re off to the next comedy club. You can sleep most of the way, I’ll just open this Graco Stylus Travel System and load you in. The gravity fold design makes it easy to one-hand the storage latch, and the multi-position reclining seat makes it comfy, especially when sleeping on-the-go. Which you’ll have to do, I’m afraid, because I looked at the map, and the bus station’s about a three hour walk from where we are now. Maybe I’ll just set my coffee in one of the two deep cup holders so I don’t fall asleep as I’m pushing you non-stop. Sort of like how Alexander the Great pushed back the armies of Darius at the Battle of Issus, am I right? Huh, folks?

Well, at least that one got us a free tomato for dinner. But it only reinforces my decision to leave. Any town that refuses their citizens a classical education is no place to bring up my child. sniff sniff Oh, seems like someone might need a changing… Wait, are they laughing now? What did you do to make them laugh? Oh, I see. You passed gas. And now you’re smiling from all the attention. And they’re cheering because you’re so cute. And all that applause is for you.

Well, guess you’ve figured out comedy, haven’t you, you little traitor? Tell you what, why don’t you just stay here in Lamesville and make people laugh with your least-common-denominator humor? No, keep the stupid Graco Stylus Travel System. I don’t need it and I don’t need you. I’m going to find a better place, a smarter place, a place where my comedy will finally be accepted after all my suffering. You know, like Pope Gregory accepted King Henry IV after making him stand barefoot in the snow for… why aren’t you people laughing at this? Am I the only human two credits short of a History minor these days? It’s pure gold, people! Do some research or something! Stuff like this would kill in Japan!

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