So you’re NOT smarter than a fifth grader? At least you know a great price when you see it. And you certainly know how to have fun.

“Hey kids. Uncle Alex is here.” Michelle applied her lipstick and smoodged her lips together before closing her compact with a snap. “Your father and I are GOING OUT!”

“Sup, guys!” called Alex. At the sound of his voice, Jake vaulted off the couch, burst into the kitchen, and scrambled up Alex’s back like a baby monkey. Ella was already there herself, latched onto Alex’s right leg. Olivia stayed in the window seat and barely looked up from her book. “Olivia,” Alex said with a nod.

“What’d you bring us?!” Jake could barely contain his excitement. Uncle Alex always found the coolest toys.

“Well I hope you brought your hard hats, cuz we’re building a castle!” Alex set Jake on the floor and handed him the box for the Fisher-Price TRIO King’s Castle.

“We can put it in the bathtub and build a moat!” said Jake. Ella sat down next to Jake, lifting the box’s lid and grabbing the easy-click bricks to fit them together. Olivia yawned.

“Let’s just keep this one on dry land, bud,” said Alex. “Come on, Liv. You can raise and lower the drawbridge.”

“Oh gee. CAN I? Maybe after that, I can put on my wench costume and serve you guys big, sloshing mugs of mead.”

“Hey … Ixnay on the Ench-way,” Alex said with a darting look in Ella’s general direction. But it was too late.

“WENCH WENCH WENCH WENCH WENCH WENCH!” Ella screamed the word repeatedly while rolling the battering ram back and forth.

“Awesome, Liv. I’m gonna let you explain that one to your Mom,” said Alex. “Now why don’t you put down that book and come play with us. Aren’t you fascinated by medieval stuff? There were sword fights and princesses and knights in shining armor!”

“Yeah. And there was also death by stoning, an inhumane class system and, oh yeah … THE PLAGUE,” said Olivia in her most sarcastic, know-it-all tone.

“How old are you again?” said Alex.

“Old enough to know not to celebrate a time where innocent women were falsely accused of witchcraft and then burned alive at the stake,” said Olivia. “There’s a reason they called it The Dark Ages, Uncle Alex. And that’s just one example of the barbarism that was rampant in those days.”

“Oh, right. Cool, cool. So Jake, you wanna fire the catapult or use the horse to draw and quarter this little figure?”

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