Look ma, I know we’re over budget and two weeks behind, but this bathroom’s a big job.

“I’m not paying for this, Evan. You quoted me 25 cookies and one week, and now I’m getting invoices saying I’m into this bathroom remodel for 150 cookies?! That’s ridiculous!”

Ma, I understand your concern, but you have to be reasonable. That quote was provided assuming ideal building conditions. I’ve had two of my guys busted for failing their weekly urine tests, so costs went up-

“How would a three year old fail a urine test?”

I don’t ask the questions, lady. I just get the slip of paper saying they failed. Anyway, to top it off some freak all hopped up on goofballs or somethin’ stole my Fisher-Price Handy Manny Fix It Right 2-in-1 Power Tool outta my truck.

“I fail to see how any of that is my problem, Evan-”

It’s your problem because now I don’t have my Saw Attachment, Drill Attachment, Pliers, or Blueprints. I don’t see how I’m supposed to put in these cabinets you like so much without my tools.

“So what am I supposed to do?”

You can buy me a new set. Or you can front me payment and I’ll buy it myself. But either way this job’s not gettin’ done until I have new tools. Do you want this thing done, or do you want it done right?

“I’m starting to doubt you could accomplish either one, Evan.”

That’s no way to talk to your contractor. OR your three-year-old.

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