You said you wanted to play fighter pilot! GET OUT THERE AND PLAY FIGHTER PILOT!

You see, Susan? Our little girl doesn’t want to go play in the swimming pool because it’s twenty degrees and snowing. But she sure was into me buying a Aeromax Toys F-35 Fighter Jet Inflatable Pool Toy back when it was warm, wasn’t she? What? No, she’s my daughter, and I’ll talk about her in third person if I want to talk about her in third person! I don’t care if she is standing right in front of me! She should be in the pool with her inflatable jet! Or maybe at the beach! But noooo, suddenly she thinks it’s too cold! Let me tell you something… no, not you, Susan, I’m talking to our daughter… yes, I did switch back to first person… no, it

’T hard to follow! She knows what who I’m talking to! Oh, is it

a preposition, Susan? Well, I wonder where our daughter gets it from.

My point, Susan, is that this is exactly why our nation doesn’t allow women in combat! A boy would be out there with his Aeromax Toys F-35 Fighter Jet Inflatable Pool Toy, turning blue and nearly dying of hypothermia, but our daughter has enough sense to stay inside where it’s warm! And do you want sense in a combat pilot? No, you don’t! You want daring and dashing and a sense of adventure, and that’s exactly what the Aeromax Toys F-35 Fighter Jet Inflatable Pool Toy teaches children… well, except for our daughter, that is.

Me? Susan, don’t you know anything about our political system? You don’t actually have to have been in the military to tell other people they should have been in the military. You just have to say it and glare all judgmentally! Oh, great, now our daughter’s crying. Susan, I hope you accept responsibility for this, but I fear you’ll just pass the buck on me again. Don’t worry, I’ve come to expect that from you.

If you need me, I’l be in the garage, hugging the Aeromax Toys F-35 Fighter Jet Inflatable Pool Toy. Hey, can you bring me the space heater too? It’s drafty out there.

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