What’s better than living office supplies? Knowing that you’re better than everyone else.

”…and over here you’ll find my rare collection of fountain pens.”

“I say, Lord Desmond! It’s ever so good of you to give us this guided tour of your pen collection! I’m ever so enjoying it.”

“Think nothing of it, your Dukeship. I’m always pleased to help educate your daughter, the young Ladydukeship here. For her grace is like a delicate swan moving across the waters.”

“I HATE THIS PLACE! I HATE PENS! I’LL CUT YOU!”

“Yes. Clearly. Just like a swan.”

“Ripping sorry, good chap. My daughter’s at that unusual age, you know. Always into crazy things I can’t possibly understand.”

“OMG! YOU THINK I’M UNUSUAL? DADDY! YOU HAVE TO SUPPORT ME IN ALL THINGS! I’LL CUT YOU FOR THIS! I SWEAR I WILL!”

“Your Dukeship, if I might, I’d like to make your lovely daughter a present of a very rare item that has recently come into my possession. This 2009 Limited Edition Kooky Klicker, named after me, only comes with membership in the Kooky Fun Klub as part of the Kooky Fun Klub Kit. And, with your permission, I’d like to bestow this membership certificate upon her, making her a Kertified Kooky Fun Klub Kit Kid!”

“Desmond, have you gone all balmy? Have you lost the plot? Pull yourself together, man! What’s that language you’re speaking there?”

“Only the language of the youth, your Dukeship. Observe. Ahem, your ladyship? Did you know that the Kooky Fun Klub Kit comes with an official Klub lanyard, as well as shiny Bling stickers, a Kooky Klicker Checklist, a Klub Member Certificate, a window sticker, a button, and six wonderful Kooky Klicker Pens?”

“WHO CARES ABOUT A STUPID- WAIT, ARE THOSE PENS WITH HAIR AND EYES? THAT’S SO RANDOM! I LOVE THEM! I WANT THEM ALL!”

“That’s right, your ladyship. These six pens, plus the exclusive limited edition collectable pen that shares my name, all have crazy names like “Nyle” and “Isis” and “Ello Mum��.

“Desmond, I say! It’s working! My daughter seems drawn to them like a fly to a figgy pudding!”

“Yes, your Dukeship. And imagine how she’ll enjoy using her special web activation code to log on to the Kooky Fun Klub Kit website to get exclusive deals, games, activities, and meet other Kooky Fun Klub pen owners!”

“Why, Desmond! What a great introduction to the complex world of pen collecting! You’ll have a knighthood for this, you will.”

“I WANT TO WRITE MY NAME ON THE MEMBER CERTIFICATE RIGHT NOW! DADDY, MAKE HIM GIVE ME DESMOND THE PEN OR I’LL CUT YOU FOR YOUR FAILURE TO DO SO!”

“You heard the lady, Des. Gosh, what an absolutely fantastic way to become a pen owner! All class and style and pomp and circumstance! That’s the kind of thing us aristocrats thrive on, you know. A club one can buy one’s way into.”

“Yes, your Dukeship. That’s what the Kooky Fun Klub Kit means. Exclusivity, for less.”

“I WANT TO PUT BLING STICKERS ON THE INCLUDED HANDSOME PLASTIC STAND, DADDY. AND THEN I WANT TO PUT THE STAND ON MY PONY, WHICH IS NOT INCLUDED EVEN THOUGH I HAVE ONE BECAUSE I AM SO RICH AND WONDERFUL. SO TELL THE MAN TO BRING ME MY PONY IMMEDIATELY. OR I’LL CUT YOU! I’LL CUT YOU EVER SO RAPIDLY AND OFTEN UNTIL MY WISHES ARE FULFILLED!”

“Of course, princess, of course.”

“Ah, the innocence of childhood.”

“At least she’s doing well in English class.”

“SHALL I COMPARE THIS PEN TO A SUMMER’S DAY? I SHALL, AND IF THEY STOPPETH ME THEY SHALL BE SO CUT!”

“She hasn’t really done poetry yet, you see.”

“But it’s excellent that she’s clearly reading ahead.”

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