By The Time I Get To Phoenix Of The Dead
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Dearest Vampire and Darling Mummy,
By the time you read this, I will be far, far, far away. Know it is not because I do not love you; rather, it is because I love each of you too much.
You, my sweet, sweet Count, with your snooze function and LCD screen. And you, my handsome Pharoah, with a backlight and a digital fact alarm clock. Like the same man, almost, from different eras. Is it any wonder I cannot choose?
When you met me, I was just a delicate ceramic unicorn in a canopied bedroom. Today, I am so much more. I have you to thank, the pair of you, for teaching me that life's darkness could also be beautiful. But I can not longer endure the shame. And yet, who could blame me? For how could anyone decide between two such marvelous timepieces?
When I look back on these days, I won't think "Hey, isn't giant minifigure an oximoron?" Instead, I will whisper both your names with a smile, and pray that the heartbreak I have heaped upon you is soon forgotten.
Never before has a ceramic unicorn loved such as I have loved, my darlings. I hope you carry on, but I know that my heart shall ever more be entangled between my sweetest monsters. And every time I look at the clock, I will see your faces, just above the time.
Natalie The Unicorn