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Very good, my little minions ... er ... I mean, helpers. I raised the call, and you heeded. When all those toys sold out last time, my wallet swelled with money ... er ... I mean, I swelled with pride. There are approximately 28-33 shopping days remaining till Christmas. So drop the turkey leg and click the "I Want One" button, or angels everywhere are losing their wings.
By now, the parade is friggin' over and Seacrest is plotting a way to reanimate Dick Clark for a boost in New Year's ratings. Time to join the self-indulgent, materialistic hordes and shell out your hard-earned cash to save the kids from a lifetime of therapy because YOU GOT THIS ONE WHEN I WANTED THAT ONE AND YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE FOREVER!