Thanks for coming in for the interview, Mr. GRAAAAAAH. Am I saying that correctly? I don’t want to offend.

“It’s actually seven A’s, not six. Thank you for asking.”

No worries. Just want to be correct. Now then, let’s get started. According to your resume, you were self-employed until just recently. What was it you were doing?

“Scaring children, mostly. Sometimes parents, but mostly kids between the ages of about three to nine years old.”

I see. And what would you say your duties entailed?

“Oh, um, hiding in closets or under beds. Breathing on exposed toes. Uh, groaning menacingly. That sort of thing. Never touching or actually hurting, mind you. I was very good at getting kids to wet their bed, though. My references can vouch for the quality of my work. The ones that are allowed to use the phone, anyway.”

Sounds like you enjoyed it quite a lot. What changed and what made you apply for this particular job?

“Oh, I loved what I did. Took a lot of pride in it, too, but working conditions have gotten a bit hostile due to these MOBI TykeLight GloMate Rechargeable Night Lights that keep popping up. They’re these portable night lights that the kids can play with, you know, all soft, durable, and easy to clean. The cycling colored lights and gentle glow that lasted for up to ten hours on a full charge put the children I was working with at such incredible ease, I just couldn’t do my job anymore. Besides, I feel like a change. I’ve been working nights for so long, you understand, and I really think I can bring a certain amount of fear to adults in the workplace.”

Of course, Mr. GRAAAAAAAH. I must say, your resume is quite impressive. I do believe you’d do quite well in our Human Resources department.

Back to top