Underneath all the music, is rhythm. Command the beat and you can fake the rest.

We're gonna just go ahead and say it: your child probably wants to be a rapper, or a DJ, or some kind of backup dancer. Your child has probably never once thought about playing their own instruments. And that's why they DESPERATELY need to learn how to play.

FACT: If a rapper wants a cool xylophone sound on his or her record, he or she will have to hire a xylophonist. Also, he or she will have to figure out what a xylophonist is actually called. Maybe a vibe merchant?

FACT: If a DJ wants to mix in a castanet sound to help him or keep the beat, he or she will have to pay a castanet player royalties for the sound. It's the law, you know. Nobody rides for free.

FACT: If a backup dancer knows how to play the rhythm sticks, he or she become slightly more valuable than the backup dancer who does nothing but stomp around like a diva demanding for a raise. And backup dancers who aren't valuable are a dime a dozen. Possibly a nickel a dozen in Manhattan.

FACT: If your child can't rap, spin or dance, they can do all three poorly while playing a kazoo and suddenly they'll become modern art! Performance pieces not have to conform, you know. They just have to BE. Write a few lines about the beauty of childhood in the face of the modern era and you've got a grant locked down!

TRUTH: Without the Melissa & Doug Deluxe Band Set, your child will have a hard and serious life. Do not doom them to aeons of consternation! Teach them to smash the state (except that part that facilitates their royalty checks!) with a box full of instruments!

Plus, look at the price! It's much cheaper than turntables, dance lessons and/or fashionable track jackets.

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