WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff


So you find out that your kid has been stealing, from friends, from stores, from you. She actually seems proud of it, and even brags about how she likes to steal. You tell her that stealing is wrong and not at all acceptable. She continues to steal. You punish her by taking away toys and privileges. She still steals. Now what?

That's exactly the dilemma that a Colorado mother recently faced. So she came up with a creative punishment tactic. She sent her 8-year-old daughter to school wearing a t-shirt with the message "I steal. Please watch me." written on it in marker.

The school intervened and made the girl cover it up because they said it was demeaning, and the girl was being ridiculed by her classmates. But the mom said it worked. She reports that, since wearing the t-shirt, the girl hasn't stolen again.

So what's your opinion? Do you think the mom went too far by making her child wear an embarrassing t-shirt? Or do you think it was a creative and effective punishment when nothing else seemed to be working?

csclarissa27


quality posts: 0 Private Messages csclarissa27

I think she did a great job. Sometimes the simplest things can help a bad situation. The child liked stealing as long as no one watched her or knew; problem solved.

meli713


quality posts: 0 Private Messages meli713

I feel that the mother handled that very well. We had an issue with our middle son stealing.. I made it a point when we found the toys to make him take them back to his friends house and apologize to the child as well as their parents for stealing. Needless to say he has not done that in a long time. :D Children need to know there are consequences for their actions. Having the child wear a shirt now is much better than them getting caught shoplifting or something worse in the future. Just my 2 cents

fierdancr


quality posts: 0 Private Messages fierdancr

I think she did the right thing. Simple, clean, no one hurt, nothing hurt except the little girls pride. I have these issues with my middle one. Even took him to the police station. Maybe I should try this route...

mac daddy1


quality posts: 8 Private Messages mac daddy1

Is the mom crazy? Think of all the money that's not going into the pockets of child psychiatrists, teen psychiatrists, adult psychitrists (I'm assuming she lives that long), lawyers for dealing with the legal problems, doctors for prescriptions, pharmacies for the bottles of medications that would otherwise be prescribed for years and years, the divorce lawyers that would eventually become involved for both the parents and the child after she marries and the husband finds out... why it's positively politically incorrect. The mother should be jailed for the hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of dollars she is depriving the economy and robbing this style of support system by stopping the child's unwanted behavior! Disgrace on the MOM.

mac daddy1


quality posts: 8 Private Messages mac daddy1

ravenshade


quality posts: 0 Private Messages ravenshade

Petty theft is usually about getting away with something vs not having the money. I used to hear girls talk about shoplifting when I knew they had plenty of money. If her daughter was unresponsive to other methods, I can see why she would take that course of action. Sounds like her daughter quickly realized theft was not as cool as she thought it was.

Gnomercy


quality posts: 12 Private Messages Gnomercy

Kudos to the mom who cares about what kind of person she will unleash on society.

I remember when adults around a child would intervene if the child needed guidance on the spot as in about to shoplift, deface public property, etc.

I don't claim to have all the answers, but the world was a safer saner place then.


_____________________________
I woot, therefore I am.

.

giaimo13


quality posts: 1 Private Messages giaimo13

I think it was a stroke of Mom genius - the little girl got the message, she got a taste of the kind of REAL sanctions one faces if stealing becomes a habit, and she had to deal with a genuine consequence of her actions - but nobody beat the crap out of her and blamed it on Jesus. A win-win.


Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -- Groucho Marx

beck12


quality posts: 41 Private Messages beck12

I am saddened to hear of so many parents resorting to public shaming today & even sadder at all the praise they get in public. This didn't teach her daughter anything. Nothing. It embarrassed her & I can PROMISE you she has thought MORE about what an a-hole her mom is than the error of her own actions. That is basic human nature.

If you would not condone doing it to an adult with mental disabilities that *functions* at an 8 yr old level/capacity, then there is no way to justify doing it to a kid who is 8 simply because they are shorter & younger.
You may be able to send a child to their room, but you will never be able to *make* them "think about what they did wrong" - they just set in there & think about what a jerk you are...and that is just how it goes.

And yes I have kids & a few are grown & they are doing just fine...so no, you don't have to "put them in their place" to actually get them raised well.

My 4 have managed spank & nearly punishment free to be nearly trouble free as well. I do a TON of repetition & make sure I do follow through always, but it beats trying to force them into submission. I'd rather work on garnering their trust & gaining cooperation.

I think this mom's heart is likely in the right place, but I'd like to see what happens at 16. I could get my current 6 yr to jump at the sound of my voice if I wanted to - there are always means to garner compliance out of young children, but by teen years, you loose that delusion of control - as no one controls another human being. You hopefully raise them well enough so they make good decisions EVEN when they think no one else will find out & that doesn't come from punishment, that comes from understanding right & wrong. Public shaming doesn't *teach* right or wrong.

spending my kid's college funds one woot off at a time

pamrcunningham


quality posts: 0 Private Messages pamrcunningham

Guess I am in the minority. I would have tried a few more things. First while she was at school, I would have emptied her room. All toys gone. I would hope that it would make her understand the loss. If that did not work, I would actually consider the police station route. These are people she would not see again. Next explain that the school thing is next on the list.... THEN I am on board. I do agree that they have to learn consequences

PPC6700TQP


quality posts: 0 Private Messages PPC6700TQP

Congrats to the mother, I believe that the government/schools have overstepped their bounds. We as parents have to deal with problems of our child all the time, not part time. It was a creative way of dealing with the problem, I made my child return an item he shoplifted to the shop, apologize to the manager.

kschouten


quality posts: 14 Private Messages kschouten

I am with you 100%, beck12. We parent the same way as you, and very successfully I've found. . . Our home is happy and peaceful, and we often get compliments on the behavior of our children, both when we are present and when we are not. Instead of viewing us with resentment, i believe on some level our children see us as partners in navigating the world and learning how to behave appropriately. We work together to find solutions to problems and to find ways to make amends when they falter. We never use fear based parenting--ever. Shaming, public or otherwise, is completely off limits. Our kids, 5 and 8, so far are internally motivated to be kind and well behaved, despite my youngest being very high energy and distractible. There is NO need for shaming. Like hitting and punishment, it is a substandard tool used by a parent who unfortunately doesn't have a better way.

beck12 wrote:I am saddened to hear of so many parents resorting to public shaming today & even sadder at all the praise they get in public. This didn't teach her daughter anything. Nothing. It embarrassed her & I can PROMISE you she has thought MORE about what an a-hole her mom is than the error of her own actions. That is basic human nature.

If you would not condone doing it to an adult with mental disabilities that *functions* at an 8 yr old level/capacity, then there is no way to justify doing it to a kid who is 8 simply because they are shorter & younger.
You may be able to send a child to their room, but you will never be able to *make* them "think about what they did wrong" - they just set in there & think about what a jerk you are...and that is just how it goes.

And yes I have kids & a few are grown & they are doing just fine...so no, you don't have to "put them in their place" to actually get them raised well.

My 4 have managed spank & nearly punishment free to be nearly trouble free as well. I do a TON of repetition & make sure I do follow through always, but it beats trying to force them into submission. I'd rather work on garnering their trust & gaining cooperation.

I think this mom's heart is likely in the right place, but I'd like to see what happens at 16. I could get my current 6 yr to jump at the sound of my voice if I wanted to - there are always means to garner compliance out of young children, but by teen years, you loose that delusion of control - as no one controls another human being. You hopefully raise them well enough so they make good decisions EVEN when they think no one else will find out & that doesn't come from punishment, that comes from understanding right & wrong. Public shaming doesn't *teach* right or wrong.