WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

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So a couple days ago we noticed a little discussion going on on Deals.Woot about spanking, and I thought it would be an interesting topic to get the conversation going here. 

Growing up, I was spanked, but very rarely. In fact, I can only recall two times. It was the threat of being spanked that kept me in line. My older brothers got spanked a lot more often than I did. I think by the time I was old enough to reason, I learned very quickly not to do whatever it was they did that had resulted in the spanking. Discipline by proxy.

My husband and I have discussed whether or not to spank our son. His father was more than a little heavy-handed, so he's adamantly opposed to any physical form of discipline. In my mind, there is a big difference between spanking and abuse. Personally, I don't think a little tap on the butt every now and then is going to emotionally scar a child. Or will it?

There are some who would say that any sort of physical punishment inflicts emotional damage, and that it also teaches children that it's ok to resolve conflict with physical violence. And while some parents say that spanking works, others claim that spanking only serves to instill fear of punishment in a child instead of helping the child to understand what they are doing wrong.

Do you spank your child? Why or why not? If not, how do you discipline? 

 

Photo by Flickr member 05com, used under a Creative Commons License.

sprkmaker


quality posts: 4 Private Messages sprkmaker

I haven't spanked my kids, and tell myself I never will. I have however gotten so angry that I WANTED to hit my kids. Each time, after the event has passed, I always reflect on why I wanted to be aggressive towards them and if spanking or hitting would work. I always end up coming to the conclusion that me spanking them would only satisfy my ridiculous "power trip" I'm going through and wouldnt really help my kids understand what they did wrong. I always remember the times when I was a kid and was spanked compared to just sternly disciplined....i was spanked when younger because of ridiculous stuff (biting, cursing at school, etc.). I remember fearing a spanking but never really thinking of what spanking that would come until after I did something stupid. Then I remember getting older...by this time my parents had stopped spanking (probably 7-9 years old)...and making decisions based on how my parents would react because of whatever decision I was about to make. I remember fearing more letting my parents down than actually getting that spanking...a few instances I can still see the looks on my parents face after doing such stupid things. I remember how they gained a trust in me and everytime I broke their trust, how crappy it made me feel. With that being said, I had very cool and understanding parents....I definitely appreciate them raising me, and letting me figure things out, the way I did.

I mean, can you just hit someone in public when they annoy you? Of course not. How about when someone blatantly wrongs you in life, can you hit them then - no way! You deal with it and learn from the experience (and of course figure out a way to ruin their lives through facebook/twitter/whatever).

rksbrown


quality posts: 0 Private Messages rksbrown
sprkmaker wrote:I haven't spanked my kids, and tell myself I never will. I have however gotten so angry that I WANTED to hit my kids. Each time, after the event has passed, I always reflect on why I wanted to be aggressive towards them and if spanking or hitting would work. I always end up coming to the conclusion that me spanking them would only satisfy my ridiculous "power trip" I'm going through and wouldnt really help my kids understand what they did wrong. I always remember the times when I was a kid and was spanked compared to just sternly disciplined....i was spanked when younger because of ridiculous stuff (biting, cursing at school, etc.). I remember fearing a spanking but never really thinking of what spanking that would come until after I did something stupid. Then I remember getting older...by this time my parents had stopped spanking (probably 7-9 years old)...and making decisions based on how my parents would react because of whatever decision I was about to make. I remember fearing more letting my parents down than actually getting that spanking...a few instances I can still see the looks on my parents face after doing such stupid things. I remember how they gained a trust in me and everytime I broke their trust, how crappy it made me feel. With that being said, I had very cool and understanding parents....I definitely appreciate them raising me, and letting me figure things out, the way I did.

I mean, can you just hit someone in public when they annoy you? Of course not. How about when someone blatantly wrongs you in life, can you hit them then - no way! You deal with it and learn from the experience (and of course figure out a way to ruin their lives through facebook/twitter/whatever).



Well I view it like this. Sometimes diplomacy will work, then there are other times when sanctions are required and then there’s times when you just need to spank them to get the point across.

torra1492


quality posts: 1 Private Messages torra1492

I teach my son that it's not OK to hit. Why should I teach one behavior and model another?

waterbaby2086


quality posts: 6 Private Messages waterbaby2086
rksbrown wrote:Well I view it like this. Sometimes diplomacy will work, then there are other times when sanctions are required and then there’s times when you just need to spank them to get the point across.



I agree, I have 2 young children and do spank them, but only when it is truly deserved. There is a HUGE difference between a spank and beating your child. I think a lot of times, these two things get put in the same category when they are, in no way, the same. No, you can not just hit someone you disagree with in public, but that's referring to an adult, a person who blatantly knows right from wrong. Where as a child, must learn what is acceptable and what is not. As a parent, it's our responsibility that our children learn these truths and learn how to understand right from wrong in real life.

When an argument is started between me and one of my children, by all means I try to settle it with words before entering into spank worthy territory. However, because they are so young, they do not quite understand yet that challenging a parent is a wrong thing to do and if they persist in being stubborn and naughty, a spanking sometimes, seems to get the word across more then just telling them no all the time.

I hope not to offend anyone with this comparison, but take teaching a puppy not to pee in the house for example.. just telling the dog NO all the time isn't going to keep him from peeing in the same spot in the house. But a little whack on the bum with a newspaper will get him to understand much faster the meaning of NO then just yelling it.

I'm not saying whack your kids with a rolled up piece of paper lol, but when it comes to disciplining kids, a little spank once in a while will get the point across much faster then just yelling/talking.

My parents spanked me and I turned out fine.. so have my brothers, but again, spanking was merely an extra tool to get a point across, not something used out of spite or to harm.

sprkmaker


quality posts: 4 Private Messages sprkmaker
waterbaby2086 wrote:I agree, I have 2 young children and do spank them, but only when it is truly deserved. There is a HUGE difference between a spank and beating your child. I think a lot of times, these two things get put in the same category when they are, in no way, the same. No, you can not just hit someone you disagree with in public, but that's referring to an adult, a person who blatantly knows right from wrong. Where as a child, must learn what is acceptable and what is not. As a parent, it's our responsibility that our children learn these truths and learn how to understand right from wrong in real life.

When an argument is started between me and one of my children, by all means I try to settle it with words before entering into spank worthy territory. However, because they are so young, they do not quite understand yet that challenging a parent is a wrong thing to do and if they persist in being stubborn and naughty, a spanking sometimes, seems to get the word across more then just telling them no all the time.

I hope not to offend anyone with this comparison, but take teaching a puppy not to pee in the house for example.. just telling the dog NO all the time isn't going to keep him from peeing in the same spot in the house. But a little whack on the bum with a newspaper will get him to understand much faster the meaning of NO then just yelling it.

I'm not saying whack your kids with a rolled up piece of paper lol, but when it comes to disciplining kids, a little spank once in a while will get the point across much faster then just yelling/talking.

My parents spanked me and I turned out fine.. so have my brothers, but again, spanking was merely an extra tool to get a point across, not something used out of spite or to harm.



I feel what you're saying probably works, but at the same time I feel it is a cheap means to get your point across. Ultimately, the only thing it does is shut them up and can probably lead them into fearing something in the future because they could get a spanking.

Even when dealing with my 3.5 year old, he understands I'm upset with him just by how I look at him. I remember those looks even when I was 15....that look of disappointment on my parents face. While I sometimes wouldnt admit it back then, I definitely feared that disappointment over a spanking.

As for the entire teaching your kids right from wrong by spanking - I think that's just crazy.

amthyst826


quality posts: 0 Private Messages amthyst826
sprkmaker wrote:I feel what you're saying probably works, but at the same time I feel it is a cheap means to get your point across. Ultimately, the only thing it does is shut them up and can probably lead them into fearing something in the future because they could get a spanking.

Even when dealing with my 3.5 year old, he understands I'm upset with him just by how I look at him. I remember those looks even when I was 15....that look of disappointment on my parents face. While I sometimes wouldnt admit it back then, I definitely feared that disappointment over a spanking.

As for the entire teaching your kids right from wrong by spanking - I think that's just crazy.



Small issues resulted in restriction from toys and privledges. Larger issues resulted in spankings. If someone else got hurt, a spanking was coming. I've been angry enough to want to resort to a beating, but didn't becaue I recognized that my temper was out of proportion to the situation at hand. I feel that there is a right and a wrong time to spank. All punishment needs to be followed up with a discussion to make sure that the child understands why they were punished and what they can do to make sure it doesn't happen again. My son is now 24. I am not sure what I did right, but he is the man standing up to his friends if/when they go to take a swing at their girlfriends. "A real man does not hit a woman, even if she deserves it. And ladies, if you don't behave like a lady, don't expect to be treated like one. (Took a little swing off topic there... sorry!)

mrsnshick


quality posts: 0 Private Messages mrsnshick

As the mother of one child who is now 30 years old and a former preschool teacher, I am adamant AGAINST spanking! My only child grew up to be a very kind, considerate, well adjusted, friendly, successful and loving husband and father of two children who also do not get spanked. Just the tone of my voice told him I was upset at the “situation” not the “action”. Starting from a few months of age, the power of words is extensive! If you set the boundaries for children from an early age, they will respect them - test them for sure - but that’s where consistent parenting comes in. Pay attention to children; show that they are important by listening to them ALL the time and the “ma, ma, ma” will not surface and irritate adults. When a young child buts in a parents conversation, stop and listen or if it’s an important conversation, ask the child to wait a minute for your attention. DON’T forget the child for 10 minutes – get to him shortly showing that what they have to say IS important to YOU. Children absolutely need to be HEARD and SEEN! Positive reinforcement goes a long way to helping with discipline. Typical children understand positive parenting very well and using words works well as discipline. Some non-typical children do try one’s nerves and may need alternative discipline, but definitely not spanking. Children who are special needs can also learn to respect the spoken word as spanking does not have the affect on them that an adult desires. Also, children become accustomed to spanking – violence – and in time it does not have the desired affect. Disciplining with words helps a child learn to negotiate as teens and adults, a trait respected in the business world. I don’t mean a child should negotiate with a parent over discipline, but to talk out the issue, see the parent’s and child’s side of the problem and many times the child has a different view so words help both minds meet and expectations get clearly laid out. I also find children who are spanked tend to lie less. If they know they are in for a good sit down to discuss an issue, they are more apt to be truthful whereas when a child expects a spanking which in anger can turn into a beating, they tend to lie to avoid the pain. Children need to understand what the world expects of them. If they don’t have the concept of that, they will make mistakes more than children who can understand what is expected of them. It’s a learning process for all involved. My 9 and 6 year old grandkids are following their father’s footsteps as well behaved and happy children at home as well as in public. Also, disciplining in public is more of an embarrassment to the adults than the kids by showing your children are not well disciplined in public and most likely its worse at home. Words work in all situations. If we voiced our disapproval in diplomatic situations, we would not need guns. TIME OUT WORKS. Check out the proper way to dispense it and it will work.

GarettPB


quality posts: 0 Private Messages GarettPB
torra1492 wrote:I teach my son that it's not OK to hit. Why should I teach one behavior and model another?



Is it ok to hit a man who is beating on a woman in public? Is it ok to hit someone in self defense, especially if they have a knife or gun? Is it ok to shoot back at someone shooting at you? I think it is silly to make a blanket rule that you should NEVER do anything. There are times when our kids will be exposed to violence (through international war, in their lives growing up). If my son decked a boy who was bullying on someone else (or on him for that matter) I would not be proud of the hitting, but I would be proud that he stood up for himself.

brownie


quality posts: 0 Private Messages brownie
rksbrown wrote:Well I view it like this. Sometimes diplomacy will work, then there are other times when sanctions are required and then there’s times when you just need to spank them to get the point across.



Perfect. The point is not to punish but to teach, including that there are boundaries for what is tolerated and not tolerated. Escalating the response in stages until the child learns the boundary seems reasonable. Spanking doesn't have to be physically painful to get a point across. Frankly, my mother hit and my father verbally disciplined. In terms of emotional effect, I preferred my mother's approach...it was over and done, including the emotional burden. Whereas my father's approach was more painful...hated the residual guilt! Also, children without boundaries very often feel more deprived emotionally than the child who gets an occasional (mild) spanking...there is security in knowing your boundaries and a sense of being loved by the parent who is interested in your learning them.

gman529


quality posts: 0 Private Messages gman529

I agree with most of what has been said above. I have a 1.5 year old and she is an awesome kid, but she pushes her boundaries all the time. My wife and I have learned that to get our point across that we must actually do use both a quick swat on the bum and two minutes in the corner. I know some of you might say a 1-year-old doesn't understand, but this is the same little girl who when I told her to stay and sit in the corner she did (she cried the whole time, but stayed.) We have learned though that if we only use one of the punishments instead of both that it won't work and she will immediate do what we told her not to. With that said some kids respond better to spanking and some respond better to time outs and some need both. I remember as a kid that time outs were nothing and after a few times my parents learned this and my dad still gave me a time out, but instead he took time out of his busy day to whoop my ass. There is a lot that goes in to raising a kid and everyone does things differently and every kids needs different things, but if in the end your kid comes out a well-adjusted adult that is a contributing member of society, then you did the best job you can. I don't think the question is should or shouldn't you spank, but does spanking work for you and the child. So again this is something that you have to figure out for yourself and everyone has a different answer.

landsnark


quality posts: 10 Private Messages landsnark

Louis CK makes a great point about this. Not safe for work and lots of "adult" (hah) language, but he's not wrong: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOxoZ3exM_Q&feature=related

The "our parents did it, and we turned out ok" argument is irrelevant. Many of our parents also smoked and drank heavily while pregnant, put us to sleep on our stomachs, and drove around with a pile of kids unrestrained in the back of the car. Most of us came out ok anyway, some didn't. But it's important to note that we came out ok in spite of, not because of, those things. It amazes me that some of the same people who would think it's criminal for another parent to drive with their kid out of a car seat, put a baby to sleep on its stomach, use a crib with a drop front, or touch alcohol while pregnant or breastfeeding get their hackles up when someone suggests that parents shouldn't hit their kids.

Also, spanking is hitting. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

funkyjhillis


quality posts: 1 Private Messages funkyjhillis

Proverbs 13:24
"Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them."

RWoodward


quality posts: 58 Private Messages RWoodward

I've seen more than a few instances where someone in a bar was getting the snot beaten out of them for essentially behaving like an undisciplined child. So keep in mind, if you're not going to teach your children how to behave respectfully in public, someday someone else will. And they won't care at all if your kid has emotional baggage as a result of the lesson.

landsnark


quality posts: 10 Private Messages landsnark
funkyjhillis wrote:Proverbs 13:24
"Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them."



Later in Proverbs we're instructed to beat our slaves as well (29:19). Good times.

landsnark


quality posts: 10 Private Messages landsnark
RWoodward wrote:I've seen more than a few instances where someone in a bar was getting the snot beaten out of them for essentially behaving like an undisciplined child. So keep in mind, if you're not going to teach your children how to behave respectfully in public, someday someone else will. And they won't care at all if your kid has emotional baggage as a result of the lesson.



Just to clarify: your assumption here is that the people getting the snot beat out of them in the bar were not spanked enough as children?

funkyjhillis


quality posts: 1 Private Messages funkyjhillis
landsnark wrote:Later in Proverbs we're instructed to beat our slaves as well (29:19). Good times.



I seem to have missed the part where beating and spanking are synonymous, and when did children become our slaves.

That verse has nothing to do with child rearing. Twisting Scripture is never a good idea.

landsnark


quality posts: 10 Private Messages landsnark
funkyjhillis wrote:That verse has nothing to do with child rearing. Twisting Scripture is never a good idea.



O_o Sorry, I wasn't clear. My point is that advice on child rearing from a source that also tells you how to treat your slaves miiiight be a little outdated and should be taken with a grain of salt. Our society has moved on from certain parts of the culture from which the admonitions in Proverbs sprang; it is perfectly valid to question whether others still apply in modern society. Invoking the Old Testament in an argument is rarely a good idea, since it invites a bunch of discussion about stoning people, mixing fibers, cutting hair, and making sure you kill all of your enemies including their children and their goats.

Also please note that it is spurious to equate "discipline" with "the rod." Very few parents would advocate for raising children with no discipline, so it's not quite kosher to lay down blanket judgments on parents who choose not to include hitting among their discipline tools.

gman529


quality posts: 0 Private Messages gman529
landsnark wrote:Louis CK makes a great point about this. Not safe for work and lots of "adult" (hah) language, but he's not wrong: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOxoZ3exM_Q&feature=related

The "our parents did it, and we turned out ok" argument is irrelevant. Many of our parents also smoked and drank heavily while pregnant, put us to sleep on our stomachs, and drove around with a pile of kids unrestrained in the back of the car. Most of us came out ok anyway, some didn't. But it's important to note that we came out ok in spite of, not because of, those things. It amazes me that some of the same people who would think it's criminal for another parent to drive with their kid out of a car seat, put a baby to sleep on its stomach, use a crib with a drop front, or touch alcohol while pregnant or breastfeeding get their hackles up when someone suggests that parents shouldn't hit their kids.

Also, spanking is hitting. Anyone who says differently is selling something.



My guess is that you probably don't have any children. Also, my guess is you are probably a liberal that likes to tell other people what to do and drives a hybrid. A comedian is just that a comedian, you can't really take anything they say to heart. It's a joke. Take it with a grain of salt. First of all laying a child on their stomach or back really makes no difference. They keep switching it every few years because they don't know what causes SIDS and are trying to figure out what is causing. Drinking LIMITED amounts of certain types of alcohole can actually help check out the link http://www.babble.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-health/six-biggest-pregnancy-myths/. Another thing is that cribs keep changing all time, big deal if it has a drop front. Yes they may fall if you don't put it up correctly or you haven't fasten the screw correctly, but stuff like that can help with fixed cribs as well. So if you don't want to spank your kid great, but don't try and push your values on me.

landsnark


quality posts: 10 Private Messages landsnark

Clearly nerves have been touched.

gman529 wrote: There is a lot that goes in to raising a kid and everyone does things differently and every kids needs different things, but if in the end your kid comes out a well-adjusted adult that is a contributing member of society, then you did the best job you can.



Agreed, absolutely!

I am a parent. As I have said, most of us turn out ok (regardless of what kind of parenting we get as kids.) I merely pointed out that some of the arguments were logically irrelevant. I don't tell parents what to do (or not to do), and I don't tell them their children are going to be messed up if they do (or don't do) it, and I don't like it when other people tell me what to do (or not do) in my parenting.

I *do* however think that people should be informed and self-aware. For someone who doesn't get into an accident, there is *zero* benefit from having their kid strapped into a five-point harness every time the car is moving. Does that mean we shouldn't strap our kids in? No, but we should be willing to admit that there are both costs and benefits to doing so. Research has *never* justified a blanket ban on alcohol during pregnancy and breastfeeding, and I was happy (but not surprised) to be vindicated for my carefully considered, moderate consumption when the study you cited was published after my daughter was born. The link between SIDS and sleeping position is so tenuous that for a baby at low risk of SIDS, any position they'll actually sleep in is perfectly reasonable. All of this has been quantified in multiple studies. *All* parenting advice should be taken with a grain of salt.

Now: several studies have also indicated that spanking is (1) ineffective or less effective than other strategies *in the long term* (note that this conclusion is *not* incompatible with the observation by many parents that spanking works immediately), and (2) linked to higher statistical probability of mental illness (I very carefully say linked to, not necessarily a cause of, because that has not been established). And whether you think spanking is necessary or taboo, it's odd to argue that spanking isn't hitting, or to get upset when someone states that it is.

As for Louis CK's rant, for me the most relevant part is when he talks about his mother--the very frank, and poignant, admission that the big difference between his parenting and hers comes down to a matter of resources. (A lot of comedy comes from pain.) People with abundant resources--money, time, experience, help, coping strategies, time away from their kids--have more tools to deal with everything, not just with helping their kids learn to be decent human beings. A knee-jerk reaction (whether it's "never ever hit your kids" or "spare the rod, spoil the child"--and even worse, its follow-up implication that if you do not hit your children you do not love them?!?) is rarely helpful.

oohwha


quality posts: 0 Private Messages oohwha

What cracks me up is the people that have never had kids and never had to worry till their HAIR FALLS OUT about what their child will do for the 15 seconds per day their eyes are not locked onto him or her.

I'm talking about babies folks - those miniature adults below 1 year old and usually below 3 feet tall as well.

For those who 100% oppose physical discipline... first, try having a child. Next, try being a single parent or at the very least spending a few hours a day alone at home with the child (God forbid a few days or years alone most of the time without help).

Now, try to "reason" with your 9 month old about the dangers of drinking the Drano or putting a fork into the light socket or whatever other MILLION WAYS TO DIE there are for an infant old enough to move about but too young to comprehend danger or complex language.

Enter the slap.

The slap works wonders. Slapping a child's hand makes them associate getting under the sink with mild and temporary pain.

I would rather have my child feel a slap a few times than to drink drano and die. How about you?

Same goes for sticking fingers or other things into the wall socket. Slap, slap, slap till they stop doing it, then they don't do it when you aren't locked onto them with your eyeballs 24/7/365.

Or you could try to explain the intricacies of alternating current and maybe even denounce Tesla for putting it out there and replacing direct current in our homes. I highly doubt your 9 month old will remember it.

What he or she will remember is the slaps. So he or she won't go near the dangerous outlet when you are looking OR when you aren't. Or when your irresponsible sitter is doing his/her boyfriend/girlfriend instead of watching your baby... or whatever


So yes, there is a place in the world for slapping or spanking. Once a child can comprehend your language of choice, you can use words to prevent horrible things from happening to them... but up until that point, good luck finding a solution better than physical discipline.


Again, if you don't have a child or you have the luxury of lots of assistance raising them and child proofing your house and what not... maybe this post doesn't apply to you... but not everyone (read: probably 95% of the world's population) has those luxuries when raising newborns to toddlers!

WOOT!

sprkmaker


quality posts: 4 Private Messages sprkmaker

Hitting a 9 month old!?!?!? Even a 1.5 year old?!?!?! Come on people, 9 month olds cant even talk, they arent going to know what's going on when you spank them. On top of that, lock up your freaking draino and put plug covers over your plugs...They are literally 10 cents a piece.

I really dont care what anyone on this board does with their kid (unless you're beating them, of course). But I'm still going to go ahead and say every response supporting spanking has sounded ridiculous to me. Each example to me is just a parent either becoming flustered with their child due to a disagreement or just a parent trying to teach a lesson using physical aggression. While your kids aren't my own, I just cant imagine using spanking to resolve such trivial issues.

As for aggression teaching your kid to stick up for themselves - I dont see how you can make any correlation at all....it just doesnt make sense to me.

jason7761


quality posts: 0 Private Messages jason7761

i as a father have spanked and will spank if needed. i however don't have to very often. i was spanked as a child as many other 30 somethings were, all i know is when people actually did spank their children we didn't have as many school shootings and what not, nor as many young children committing was is deemed as an adult crime. This topic is and will always be a touchy subject where the two sides do not agree. My youngest is 2 1/2 years old and he has more respect than most kids as he always says yes sir and no sir, yes maam and no maam as well as my other children, they do not act up in public and very rarely at home.My point is that i dont have to spank anymore but i am not afraid to if needed, and they know that

llandar


quality posts: 32 Private Messages llandar
funkyjhillis wrote:Twisting Scripture is never a good idea.



Neither is taking your imaginary friend too seriously.

gubeedal


quality posts: 0 Private Messages gubeedal

Well, as many others, I was also a spanked child. However I was never spanked often. I plan on using the same philosophy as my parents: first child is told no and why they are being told no. If behavior persists, child gets a no again. If behavior still persists, child sent to parents room to sit on bed (no toys in parents room). If behavior persists (or child refuses to go to time out, because we all know that happens) spanking is threatened. If behavior persists still, spanking is threatened a second time. If still persists then spanking delivered, however it is over the pants and not hard enough to hurt child or your hand. That is how I view spanking. It is not "beating" the child is told why and what is wrong. It is always a last resort. I agree some parents overuse spanking, but don't feel it should be ruled out completely.

ishoplive


quality posts: 2 Private Messages ishoplive
sprkmaker wrote:I haven't spanked my kids, and tell myself I never will. I have however gotten so angry that I WANTED to hit my kids. Each time, after the event has passed, I always reflect on why I wanted to be aggressive towards them and if spanking or hitting would work. I always end up coming to the conclusion that me spanking them would only satisfy my ridiculous "power trip" I'm going through and wouldnt really help my kids understand what they did wrong. I always remember the times when I was a kid and was spanked compared to just sternly disciplined....i was spanked when younger because of ridiculous stuff (biting, cursing at school, etc.). I remember fearing a spanking but never really thinking of what spanking that would come until after I did something stupid. Then I remember getting older...by this time my parents had stopped spanking (probably 7-9 years old)...and making decisions based on how my parents would react because of whatever decision I was about to make. I remember fearing more letting my parents down than actually getting that spanking...a few instances I can still see the looks on my parents face after doing such stupid things. I remember how they gained a trust in me and everytime I broke their trust, how crappy it made me feel. With that being said, I had very cool and understanding parents....I definitely appreciate them raising me, and letting me figure things out, the way I did.

I mean, can you just hit someone in public when they annoy you? Of course not. How about when someone blatantly wrongs you in life, can you hit them then - no way! You deal with it and learn from the experience (and of course figure out a way to ruin their lives through facebook/twitter/whatever).



You can not be impulsive.

RWoodward


quality posts: 58 Private Messages RWoodward
landsnark wrote:Just to clarify: your assumption here is that the people getting the snot beat out of them in the bar were not spanked enough as children?



No, my assumption is that they never learned self-control or respect for others as children.

That kind of glaring omission in a child's education eventually will be addressed by someone. Sometimes it's the courts, sometimes it's the guy or gal on the next stool. Either way, they won't be as concerned with snowflake's gentle feelings as Mommy and Daddy were.

Do you have to use corporal punishment to teach your child they are not entitled to say or do whatever they want? No. But you have to do something.

kmontrose


quality posts: 27 Private Messages kmontrose

Not to derail the discussion but it seems like parents today are, generally speaking, too tolerant with their kids. Is this related to the spanking debate? I'm not sure. I admit to spanking my children occasionally back in the eighties but I don't think it's necessary. But parents who don't spank have to work harder at discipline and I don't think they're doing it.

I was in an airplane recently, in the same row with a very nice woman and her two young daughters. The mom told the five year old "we're about to land, give me your coloring book now and I'll put it away." The child looked at her mom and said "no" and went back to coloring. The mom looked at me and said "She's very stubborn" with an apologetic smile and let it go. I hate to see what happens when the daughter is 15...

amreli


quality posts: 8 Private Messages amreli
oohwha wrote:For those who 100% oppose physical discipline... first, try having a child. Next, try being a single parent or at the very least spending a few hours a day alone at home with the child (God forbid a few days or years alone most of the time without help).

Now, try to "reason" with your 9 month old about the dangers of drinking the Drano or putting a fork into the light socket or whatever other MILLION WAYS TO DIE there are for an infant old enough to move about but too young to comprehend danger or complex language.


Yeah, my son is now 4 and my husband works 24 hour shifts, so I am often at home alone with him and I have NEVER resorted to physical discipline. I was spanked as a child, but at this point it just does not make sense to me that I hit him in any way while at the same time trying to teach him not to hit to get his way, etc. I think that just teaches kids that it's ok to hit as long as you're bigger and the one "in power". I definitely don't let my son do whatever he wants, but there's a difference between discipline and punishment. Discipline is meant to teach, punishment is meant to make the child feel bad. I try not to be judgmental and tell other parents what to do, but seriously, hitting a 9 month-old? They are just barely starting to learn the concept of cause and effect. And why on earth isn't the Drano locked up or the sockets covered?