It's getting crowded around this
water cooler.

"Who would have thought that Elmo was gay? I just never would have thought that..."

This thread makes me wish I had an office to overhear stuff in.

"I don't know how to do that. You just stick it in the hole?"

"What torque will be allowed on the shaft?"

"Time for duty back here!"

Co-Worker:"My iPad won't work with my car stereo"

Me(IT Guy): "What kind of stereo do you have? Does it have a AUX jack? Bluetooth?"

Co-Worker: "No... just a tape player"

Me: "....."

"Okay, rule number one:
When you're making a pie it's important to have a saggy butt."

"She's texting me. 'Why are we getting sucked in to this?'"

"You want me to put my finger in there?"

"These things are just great for warming me up!"

"You don't want to touch my thing because you're afraid there's germs on it?"

"Do you want me to bend it?"

Man answering an incoming call on his cell phone: "Hey, are you up?"

"Sue gave me long ones, but they were way too long."

"What do you think?"

"...Not enough balls."

"That's nice, it's big! Beautiful texture!"

"You didn't tell me I was going to get these sores in my mouth!"

Lady: "I've never done this before.......It's pretty hard"

I have a robot at home and I LOVE IT!

Female wooter talking about her roomba.

"I'm one of those people, very specific about my business. I'm an anal entreprenuer."

i bet that domain name was registered about fifteen seconds later.

"Oh, look! It's 12/12/12!"

"Let me put some lotion on my hands and I'll go get him!"

"You just gotta go down a little bit..."

"We just did it again right here near my cube!"

"Oh my gosh, this girl better not pound me!"

"It'll be hard when she gets back. Then she'll know I was thinking about her."

#1: "Where do I put this?"

#2: "In here... Right here. Now name it what you want to name it. Say okay. Say okay... Now press there if you want to continue... Now close it."

#1: "Oh, my, this is hard..."

"It's chocolate on chocolate balls!"

"Ew, I wish I hadn't Googled that..."

"Does this sound like a slap in the ass?"

"I think I may have slid one in there while you weren't here..."

"Grab some Purell and rub it all over yourself and come see me."

"I'm a dedicated employee. Who comes in late. And chatters a lot."

"... they're getting frozen cow patties with stuff in them. Those will be fun for the kids..."

“I’m going on the Internet, to find people who agree with me"

(Which I was later told was a line out of Penny Arcade (comic), so now I am not sure if it was random or not.)

"Four processes were moved from 'Completed' to 'Under Review' status... It's kind of a negative step forward."

"I guess I'll just start it by hand, and then finish up with the drill."

Co-worker #1 passes gas in the restroom while relieving his bladder into the urinal.
Co-worker #2 decided to make it a competition and ripped a louder one.
Co-worker #1 tried to have the last word and proceeded to unleash another one. He immediately ran to the nearest stall and the unmistakable sound of toilet paper quickly unraveling filled the air.