girl: "Do you know where my pen is?"

guy: "did you say you lost your penis?"

girl: "well that to, but I think I know where it is."

Heard from two students while waiting outside for a lab to finish:

Girl- "and i was inside pulling hard, and he was outside trying to wedge it in"
Girl 2 "did it fit?"
Girl 1- "yeah, it finally popped in. But it scratched the inside bad and ripped some of the fabric once it got in there. My mom's gonna kill me. Plus I think I hurt my fingers..."



...laterz... (the gap is to make the above more funny)


Girl 2- I'd never let my boyfriend try to put a file cabinet in my car, no way in heck...

Also, out of the blue, some student's ring tone is the hampster dance.

Nothing like hearing a long-dead meme on a brand new iPhone...

"It's like funkytown. All they do is talk about it, talk about it!"

Today some students outside were laughing about some class they just got out of wherein the professor/instructor ripped one during his lecture, and tried to cover it up with a cough.

dontwantaname wrote:Was it you?

Thankfully no. I don't know who they were referring to... but I would have paid to know. Wonderful gossip possibilities.

SkekTek wrote:Thankfully no. I don't know who they were referring to... but I would have paid to know. Wonderful gossip possibilities.

You couldn't get them to tell you?

Overheard in the OVAL office

Warning- language. Word refers to a colloquialism of a donkey.

PemberDucky wrote:Somebody on the phone, presumably a personal call: "...Yeah, and some cole slaw...Cole...No, it's never been 'cold' slaw....Yeah, I get that it's cold...I know it's served cold, but that's not what the damn thing is called...No, no, I don't know why 'cole'...What the...G*d Dammit, I'm busy here!"

This got me curious so I hit up Wikipedia:

The term "cole slaw" arose in the 18th century as a partial translation from the Dutch term "koolsla", a shortening of "koolsalade", which means "cabbage salad".[4] It was commonly called cold slaw in Britain until the 1860s when "cole" (meaning cabbage) was revived. "Cole" originates from the Latin, colis, meaning "cabbage", and is the origin of the Dutch word as well.

teh moar u no!

SkekTek wrote:Overheard in the OVAL office

Warning- language. Word refers to a colloquialism of a donkey.

Yo Skek, I'm really happy for you and Imma let you finish, but the poster before you had the best quote of all time. OF ALL TIME!!!

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large US Corporation.

“Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom…..and has started to dig.”
“His men would follow him anywhere, ……. but only out of morbid curiosity.”
“I would not allow this employee to breed.”
“This employee is really not so much of a ‘has-been’, but more of a definite ‘won’t be’.”
“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
“This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
“He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”
“This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an Dr. Clayton Forrester.”
“This employee should go far, ….. and the sooner he starts, the better.”
“He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.”
“He’s been working with glue too much.”
“He would argue with a signpost.”
“He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”
“A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”
“If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”

Email from coworker who does not play fantasy sports in reply to being included on email about fantasy basketball league. redacted name was another co-worker.

"I've actually started my own fantasy league. It is based on the performance of a fantasy owner in his/her respective leagues. I took [name redacted] as my first pick. I figured the sheer volume of leagues he's involved in will make him a top performer."

Schrobblehead wrote:

"I've actually started my own fantasy league. It is based on the performance of a fantasy owner in his/her respective leagues. I took [name redacted] as my first pick. I figured the sheer volume of leagues he's involved in will make him a top performer."

I've created my own fantasy league its where all the idiots who have fantasy leagues brawl it out in a cage. and to spice things up everyone will have their own trained raccoon.

and yeah sure heard this in US history AP
person:"oh come on the only reason why no one will admit to wanting to own a slave is because there is like 3 black people in here."

"Uh-oh. I think this Baba ghanoush has gone bad."

Last week, was talking about my son being a bit wild this weekend to a coworker. Joked about duct taping him to the wall, etc. Good laugh.

Today we had an escaped white mouse for a maze experiement I'm having my students perform in a few weeks. It was in a room he couldn't get out of, so we baited a small trap with chocolate, and within 10 minutes, we got him, put him back in the cage, and put a rock on the top grate. But while we're looking for it, me 'n the lab guy had the following discussion approximately as the following:

"How'd he get out?"
"I dunno.."
"Was he in the cage?"
"YEah, must have jumped up and crawled under the top grate"
"We'd better catch him quick, cuz if we don't he could get himself hurt in that room"
"Yeah, let's get a trap.."

Coworker from before was walking by and overheard us. Slowed down and scowled. I asked why. Coworker said:

"Why did you put your son in a cage?"

PemberDucky wrote:On the phone: Yeah, no...no, I mean, that's a good size for a dog liver, no question...

Some strange conversations in your work place. I'm wondering if a worker at a psych ward would hear anything weirder. l o l

@ Wendy's

Customer: Does the BLT have tomatoes in it?
Cashier: I don't know, let me ask.
*turns and calls out to the cook*
Does the BLT come with tomatoes??

My boss for some reason only speaks in analogies...ones that don't even make sense.

Example of today's convo in regards to finishing a project:
"We are circling the airport on this one. Time to move up the conveyor belt and stop playing in the weeds."

One time, he mixed two classics up and we all just about died from trying not to laugh:

"Well, that was a tough nut to swallow."

So she says to the guy, "How about sex for lunch?"

He says "Hell Yeah!!!"

Really, what guy wouldn't trade sex for food? It's a win-win proposition.

czardastx wrote:So she says to the guy, "How about sex for lunch?"

He says "Hell Yeah!!!"

Really, what guy wouldn't trade sex for food? It's a win-win proposition.

That's some office you work in.