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"Luckily, there's a back way that's easy and fast."
"I hate it because I want to beat it, and when I can't beat it, I get mad."
"We're not Comcast customers, we're Cox!"
"I only grabbed what I touched."
Who in the heck throws their shoe? I mean, come on!
ThunderThighs wrote:Who in the heck throws their shoe? I mean, come on!
"I did not choose the boob life. The boob life chose me."
"I could move faster with a full team of slugs and a sled."
"I wanna see it later when it dries..."
"That was an UNINTENTIONAL bump!"
CW1: Wine is boring.
CW2: Oh hell no. You give me a gallon of Zinfadel and I'm a party.
"Sometimes my brother tugs on my penis."
"I like it here, it doesn't smell bad."
"Well, don't get used to it. I ate at the Hibachi Grill and Buffet for lunch, and it's still a little early."
kenney9226 wrote:"Sometimes my brother tugs on my penis."
i didn't know your brother worked in your office!
"Have I shown you my nasty rash, Kenny?"
"After rubbing this lotion on, I better go wash my hands. Who knows if this djoy's contagious?"
"I have moles in places I shouldn't have moles."
"I have a white butt."
"I usually do it about once a month."
"Just shove it in the hole!"
"You put it in backwards, that's the problem there..."
"I was literally in my bra and underpants."
Two guy at the printer...
guy 1: Joese... jeese z? Whats that hip hop guys name?
Guy 2: Who jay z?
Guy 1: Ya thats him.. i dont like him much He's always Eff'n and Jeff'n (British term for cursing)
Girl 1: Is Europe a county or a continent?
Girl 2:.... What?
Girl 1 realized her question was stupid
Girl 1: Did you watch the voice last night?
"And then I'll be the youngest VP in the company. And you know what comes after VP?"
"I CONTROL THE TONER! I CONTROL THE OFFICE!"
Ask Helen, she's the copier n a z i
"I sure wish you'd stop saying the word 'teabag.'"
"Don't touch my box!"
"I was going to throw this away, but then I remembered you. Do you want to eat this?"
"I went to Chipotle yesterday, and they have this new brown rice. I didn't like the brown rice as much as the white rice. The brown rice isn't as flavorful and it's just not as good as the white rice."
"Oh, so you're a ricist, then?"
kenney9226 wrote:"I went to Chipotle yesterday, and they have this new brown rice. I didn't like the brown rice as much as the white rice. The brown rice isn't as flavorful and it's just not as good as the white rice."
"Oh, so you're a ricist, then?"
Related question: did they change the brown rice or something? Because I've been getting brown rice at Chipotle for years. Or did this person just not notice it before?
"I can't believe they're making a sequel to 'Magic Mike.' That was the worst movie. Ever."
"He's a humping machine."
"I'm so hungry for lunch. I haven't eaten ████ all day."
"Ew. I've never eaten ████..."
"Hey, Kenny, let me show you this picture I took of what I saw in the Men's room first thing this morning!"
"I have a flat butt."
"Y'all're drivin' me to drink in here. I'm gonna have to bring a flask in here."
"...bring one for me, too!"
"We can get bigger things in there, after hours..."
"All these companies are removing gluten from their foods. Where do they put all of it? Is there some sort of gluten-filled landfill somewhere? Does it get shipped out of state? I'm worried."
I don't date men with tattoos ... it's too easy to identify the body if I have to kill him.