We’re all sad about Pepper, Maggie. Yes, even Mommy. No, really. I know she was awful mad about the dog tearing up her grandmother’s afghan. And the shoe doodies. And all those times she went to the hospital due to her horrible allergies to pet dander. What’s that? Why is she singing and laughing? Well, Mommy’s just in her cups, dear. You know how she likes to drink.
But guess what? Daddy’s got a surprise for you! How about a NEW dog? Would that make you happy? I bet it would! So, heeeeeeeere you go! Say hello to iPepper, your new Tiger I-Dog Dance Speaker!
Aww, sweetie, don’t cry. I would’ve gotten you the white one, but I thought maybe you’d want the black one that looks like the old meatPepper. Okay, it doesn’t look exactly like he did, but look! When you plug the iDog into Daddy’s MP3 player, he DANCES. See? Look at him go! Aren’t those flashing LED lights that change color fun? You can even just set him next to a speaker and he’ll wag and play. His movements even change to suit the music! He knows eight commands, too, like “Stay” and “Tap paw”. All you have to do is pet his friendly little face to activate them!
Okay, yes, I know he doesn’t really have a “face”, per se. But lots of fun things don’t have faces. Mr. Woodworth down the street doesn’t have most of his face since the War, and he throws the funnest Halloween party, right? And, when you think about it, the real Pepper never danced. He just humped Mommy’s pillow, mostly.
That’s a big girl, Maggie. No more tears. Sure, you can take iPepper for a walk. No, I don’t think you’ll need the leash. You won’t be walking him so much as dragging him around. Why don’t you put him in your wagon?
