Just Be Cool
As a parent, you gotta be ready to own those moments that might otherwise damage your "I'm still cool" exterior.
Don't panic, Tim. So you just had to fake your way through a conversation about contemporary video games with the "hip, young creative" at the office. No worries. You're pretty sure they bought it. You're still awesome even though you're a dad, Tim. You're still relevant.
"Dude, you just dribbled mayo all down your chin and tie." Crap! Why do you always put so much delicious mayo on your BLTs?
Wait. Don't get nuts. Just reach for a napkin and... No. You forgot to grab extra napkins. Dang it! The Fortress of Awesome you've worked so hard to build is crumbling! Quick! Your backpack! There must be a napkin in there somewhere! Yes! There in the side pocket! There's...
One of Ella's Seventh Generation diapers. And now you're holding it up for everyone in the cafeteria to see. It doesn't matter that there's not a single Lorax picture on it anywhere, you're still the guy with a diaper in his hand.
The designer with the crew cut and thick glasses snorts. The copywriter with the pierced nose and big black sweater even though it's ninety-seven degrees outside can barely contain her laughter.
And that's when it hits you. To heck with them. If this diaper is good enough to contain Ella's poopies, it's good enough for your mess, too.
That's it. Just open up that hypoallergenic Seventh Generation diaper and wipe that schmutz right off your face. You won't even have to worry about smelling like the baby's butt since it's free of lotions and fragrances. Then when you're all clean, crumple that bad boy up like you don't care about the improved environmental footprint and lighter-weight absorbent core. 'Cause you don't, really. It's just something you read on the back of the package. Not that those "kids" sitting at your table would know anything about babies and the environment either. They probably wouldn't know diaper rash if it bit 'em on the... well, no, they probably would, but still.
Toss that diaper on your tray and stand up with confidence. You're a dad, a good one, and you just wiped your face with a diaper in front of co-workers that presumably respect you. Rip that tie off and throw it down on the tray, too. Heck yeah! As a closer, make sure you throw them a "See you chumps at the meeting" before you leave. Oh man, that's rad.
Now walk away with your chin held high. Imagine you're walking away from an exploding lunch table in slow motion. Someone behind you begins to stand as they slowly applaud your actions. Others join in. Cool Crisis averted.