Don't Even Make A "Penguin Of Doom" Joke
You pay us $14.99 plus tax and shipping. We send you something cool. Welcome to the first-ever Random Kids Stuff Sale!
That's right! Random! In fact, it's so random that as of this writing, WE don't even know what we're going to be giving out! Of course, we're pretty sure it'll be something up to our normal high standards, so we're not going to be sending your kids poison-dipped scimitars made of lead or anything. You'll be getting some nice kids toys from whatever is within our reach when we assemble your package. It's like a Bag of Crap... BUT IT'S NOT CRAPPY!
So here's what we advise. Grab your $14.99 plus and hit that stupidly large button with all your might. Hit it! HIT IT LIKE A PUNCHING BAG! Then, sit quietly and wait. Because, as soon as you finish your purchase, racing to your door will be... um... something we aren't actually sure about yet. And why aren't we sure?
BECAUSE IT'S JUST THAT RANDOM!!!!!