Helps With The Kids
This isn't a real alien space craft. So if you end up getting probed, don't look at us.
Your kids want stuff. No, really, they do. Ask 'em "Do you guys want stuff?" and they'll yell back YEAAAAH! and then maybe throw in a "But it's good stuff, right?" And that's where you, the parent, come into play.
It's your job to find some good stuff and pass it along to the teeny types who don't know any better. Then they can smash it and tear and it feed it to a goat (how did that even get in your yard, anyway?) and demand more stuff. It's an endless cycle and the only thing that saves you from a pauper's grave is the though that one day you'll be mooching off them. And also, these Woot-offs.
Take this opportunity to stock up on the things your kids need and hide them in the drawer where you keep the broccoli. They'll never go in THERE, right?
Of course, the goat might. Maybe you should pick up a lock while you're thinking about it. Or call a goat exterminator. Whatever works for you.