Tuesday: Gluten-Free Socks
All this week in the Deal Cafeteria our Lunch Lady serves up a back-to-school treat. Prepare yourself for September!
Gather 'round, kiddies, the ol' Lunch Lady's got a special treat for you all today. As per our Federally mandated dietary inclusiveness program, we've got the one meal we KNOW is gluten-free... Puma socks!
Now let's be clear: a normal puma is in no way certified to be gluten-free. It's impossible for a lunch lady to know what a puma has eaten in the last week. So anyone, from this point on, who hauls in a puma and asks me to bake it for them will be eating it AT THEIR OWN RISK, okay? I'm not going to spend another six weeks in the state pen for crimes against the kitchen.
But if you want a comfy blend of polyester, cotton and spandex that comes in a six pack in your choice of sizes and colors, line up! Because that's what's on the menu! Pop 'em on your feet and enjoy!
Oh, was I not clear? These Puma Socks are gluten-free because you can't actually eat them. Sure, it's a technicality, but the Federal requirements for school lunches are all about technicalities. Say, did you know this bottle of ketchup counts as a month of healthy vegetarian alternatives?