Welcome to Sports Cards 101. I'm your professor, Dr. Sigmund Brownstein.
As most of you know, this is a new class. Because of budget cuts, your school has elected to drop science and math classes and has gone for the more affordable option: this.
I trust you have all acquired the necessary supplies to participate in the class, and by that I mean the "My First Sports Card Collection."
In your collection, you will have over a thousand randomly assorted sports cards. They will have pictures of athletes on them. That's what makes them sports cards.
Now, you see I am holding one of the cards. What we will do for this class is we will turn the card around like so, and we will look at the back of the card. On the back are the players stats. By analyzing these stats, you will learn some aspects of very simple math, which your faculty members have decided will teach you everything you need to know about mathematics. That's right -- knowing a player's free throw percentage is just as valuable as knowing the quadratic formula.
Believe it or not, collecting sports cards was once something that was done for pleasure. People would buy and collect these just for the fun of having them, and then they would trade cards with their friends so they could get their favorite players or a card that would be worth more. Well, now your esteemed faculty has come to realize the academic benefits of sports cards and have built an entire class around it. Lucky you.
Well, that's the class. This is what we will be doing each week. This way, when your parents want to know that your tuition dollars are being put to use, you can proudly show them your transcript that includes Sports Class 101.
Well, let's start this class by doing what we're going to be doing all day, every day: looking at the stats on the back of your cards.
Oh, wait, and before I forget: each of you will each get a LeBron James Upper Deck rookie card, so, if for whatever crazy reason, this class doesn't lead to immediate employment after college, maybe you can make a few bucks off that.