Moon Shoes

by wootbot

Boiiiiiiing

Really, they had us at "mini-trampolines for the feet" didn't they?

Shhh. Shhhhh. Close your eyes. Find that quiet and still place within yourself. There is nothing but darkness and peace. Deep breath. Calm. Caaaaaalm.

What is it you want most in life? Oh, um ... what else? Oh, really? Well, what's right after that? Look, let's just skip to whatever number it is where you say "moon shoes" so we can get on with it. Yeah! That's right! Moon shoes!

For those of you too young to remember, once upon a time, we had this thing called "a space program" that was full of people called "astronauts" who went into a place called "outer space." And when they did, the gravity was different, and they would hop about like little helmeted rabbits! Hop hop hop wheeeeeee! And that was basically why someone paid for Star Wars and that was why someone made a new Star Trek movie and that was why someone made The Wrath Of Khan and THAT was the only reason why anyone cared enough to make Next Generation and THAT is why syndicated television existed and THAT is why Battlestar Galactica got to happen and that is basically why nerd culture is at an all time peak right now. See, kids? That space program was pretty darn important, wasn't it?

Anyway, these moon shoes let you jump around like a Congressman trying to avoid prosecution. As you'd expect, they've got Velcro straps and they're made one-size-fits-all, which means your kid can start space bouncing IMMEDIATELY after opening the box. Whereas astronauts take a few years of training, even assuming they get funding to build some sort of rocket.

The choice is clear. Either pay more taxes to fund NASA to the fullest so we can develop a space base and begin regular commutes to the lunar surface like in 2001: A Space Odyssey or buy these moon shoes for your kids.