Kiddy Cruiser Fix Pro Car Seat

by wootbot

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Everybody who's anybody rides in one of these.

When Tim pulled up in the driveway, he noticed that Ken Anders, his annoyingly competitive neighbor, was out front with his son Mike. From the back seat, Jake shot him a knowing look.

Tim unfastened his seatbelt and shouted "Every man for himself!" before booking it to the house.

"No fair!" yelled Jake. But he was too slow.

"Hey Cooper!" Jake heard Mike yell from across the yard. He turned slowly to face Mike, but not before shooting an angry look at Tim who was pointing and laughing at Jake from the front stoop.

"What do you want, Anders?" replied Jake.

"I see you just crawled out of that sad hand-me-down carseat. Why don't you come over so I can show you what a REAL big kid rides in?"

"No thanks, I have to uh …"

But before Jake could think up a good enough excuse, Mike said, "Whatsamatter, Cooper? You been sitting in your sister's seat so long you're turning INTO a GIRL?"

Jake knew he shouldn't take the bait, but no one called him a girl. NO ONE.

"Alright, Anders. Just show me this stupid car seat already."

But as soon as he opened the car door, Jake gasped. The fact of the matter was, it wasn't a stupid car seat at all. It was a Kiddy Cruiser Fix Pro, the Tonka truck of car seats. And this baby was stocked.

"So you'll see right here we've got the SIP and KSA, that's Superior Side Impact Protection and Kiddy Shock Absorber," Mike explained.

"I know what it means!" Jake snapped.

"…the Kiddy K-fix Connectors, Integrated Diagonal Belt Guide and Handy Retraction Mechanism," Mike continued, undeterred.

"Big deal!" Jake lied.

"And right here … do you know what this is?" Mike said smugly.

Of course Jake knew. But he did his best to act unimpressed.

"This is genuine, authentic Breathable Thermotex Fabric. And you know what that means?" Mike said even more smugly than before if that was possible.

"Hmph," Jake huffed and crossed his arms defiantly.

"It means, Cooper, that while your butt is getting sticky and sweaty on the next hot summer day, mine will be relishing the comfortable seating environment and increased air circulation afforded it by this innovative material."

"Well … I'm still better than you at Legos!" Jake yelled before turning sharply on his heel and walking away.