Want to get your baby to fall asleep? Either make their will your own through the power of a hypnotic gaze, or dress 'em comfy.
As a professional baby hypnotist, I resent - yes, RESENT - these HALO sleepsacks. They're so comfy and wonderful that they're eating into my profits! And I'm not going back to hypnotizing adults, no, sir. That causes all kinds of issues.
For example, once I was on stage and I told a man he was a chicken. Next thing I know, I'm waking up with a black eye, and he's yelling NEVER COME NEAR ME AGAIN, I'M NOT SCARED OF NOTHIN'! And on top of that, he demanded half my profits as a "purse."
So I was really looking forward to being able to hypnotize babies into being cuddly and snuggly and sweet. Can you imagine how I felt when these sleepsacks showed up? It broke my heart to know that a 100% Cotton wearable blanket would be safe, warm, dry, and ideal for an all-around baby outfit! Who knew, right? A sack is better than a trained stage magician like me!
But I'm gonna give it once last chance. Then, if I can't make it work by the end of the summer, I'm going back to pickpocketing old ladies at the opera.