The First Born
“Of course you can hold her, Michelle,” said Jessica, “Just as soon as you finish this questionnaire.”
“We just want to make sure our little Bristol gets the very best,” said Ryan. “It’s not that we don’t trust you-”
”-because we do! I mean, you’re my big sister, Michelle! You taught me so much about life!”
”-but we just know that Bristol’s at a very important time in her life, and everything she sees or does is teaching her a lesson.”
Michelle flipped through the six page, single-spaced multiple choice personality test without really paying attention.
“Jessica, you do remember I have three children of my own, don’t you?”
“We know, Michelle,” said Ryan, “And we value your input. Just like we value this Elegant Baby - Baby Blanket and Toy set you brought us.”
“It’s just…” Jessica trailed off, then smiled at her sister. “Well, we just want everything to be perfect for our little Bristol. And this Elegant Baby - Baby Blanket and Toy set … see, you bought the Bunny, and Bristol might enjoy that. But you made the choice to buy the Bunny. What if it’s you pushing your personality onto her?
“Subconsciously, of course,” Ryan added quickly.
“Of course,” Jessica agreed. “Michelle, I know you’d never knowingly manipulate Bristol, but what if you just don’t know that you’re doing it? Then again, what if this survey shows that your type is more oriented towards an Elephant or a Bear?”
“Or a Monkey!” Ryan added.
“Exactly," Jessica nodded seriously. “We don’t want to negatively influence our child’s emotional growth. All you have to do is pass the test, and then we can all be sure you bought this Elegant Baby - Baby Blanket and Toy set for the right reasons.”
“Well, I was planning on seeing Mom for lunch, Jessica,” Michelle said. “I’m not sure I have time for a test today,”
Jessica nodded in agreement. “Michelle, I fully understand. So we’ll just let Bristol use the micro-plush blanket-
”-only for now!” added Ryan.
”-and then maybe later we can give her that included stuffed animal toy, once we all have time to think it over.”
Ryan walked to the bookshelf and picked up a book. “It’s all in our parenting book of choice, Michelle. Raising Homo Superior. I can let you borrow this copy if you don’t think it’s already too late for your kids.”
Ryan offered the book, Michelle took it. Then laughed. “Oh, wow. Wow, you guys.”
Ryan looked worried. Jessica pulled the Elegant Baby - Baby Blanket and Toy set to her chest. “What is it” she said in a tiny voice.
“This book,” said Michelle. “It was discredited. I saw it in the paper just the other day.”
“Discred-?” Jessica melted into a tiny squeak of horror.
“We don’t allow papers in our house,” answered Ryan as he scrambled for some control. “The newsprint might have previously unknown carcinogens.”
“Guess that’s why you didn’t know.” Michelle stood up and smiled at the two worried parents. “Jessica, Ryan, I’m sorry you had to find out this way, but I hope you haven’t done too much damage to my niece’s psyche.”
“But… the book!” Jessica was shaking a little. Ryan looked like he needed a drink.
“Should I see myself out?” Michelle held her poker face as she walked to the front door, talking over her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Jessica. Failure’s just part of being a mommy. I’m sure you two will get it right… eventually.”
“But the book was so confident!” Jessica called after her sister. “It was so confident! What do we do now?”
Michelle shrugged. “Improvise?”
As the door closed, Jessica looked at the Elegant Baby - Baby Blanket and Toy set, then at Ryan, then at the Elegant Baby - Baby Blanket and Toy set again.
“Maybe we should consider a Skinner box,” she offered. Ryan stroked his goatee in consideration.
Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty
- Snuggle up to this micro plush baby blanket and stuffed animal toy
- The soft animal just loves to hug, and comes with his arms wrapped firmly around a soft, fluffy coral fleece blanket
- Animal feet Velcro together
- Dimensions (blanket): 30" x 40"
- Dimensions (stuffed animal): 12"L x 11"W x 5"H
- Microplush stuffed animals and blankets make a great baby shower gift idea
- Monkey Picnic (Woot Monkey NOT included. And neither are their snacks)
- Baby & Elephant (No. Baby is NOT included. You people...)
- Monkey Stuffed Animal
- Blanket Included with Monkey
- Elegant Baby – Baby Blanket & Toy, Monkey
- Bear Stuffed Animal
- Blanket Included with Bear
- Elegant Baby – Baby Blanket & Toy, Bear
- Bunny Stuffed Animal
- Blanket Included with Bunny
- Elegant Baby – Baby Blanket & Toy, Bunny
- Elephant Stuffed Animal
- Blanket Included with Elephant
- Elegant Baby – Baby Blanket & Toy, Elephant
In the box:
- (1) Elegant Baby - Baby Blanket and Toy Set (Choose Monkey, Bear, Bunny or Elephant)