Diapees Plus Disposable Diapers

by wootbot

La Poopée

Disposable diapers are like obscure French films: most people aren't going to care about them after they're gone.

"The year is 2313. The place: your backyard."

Jake spoke into the flashlight below his chin. Ella stared at him through the dark. Olivia didn't, but even she had to admit that Jake was quite the showman when he wanted to be.

"A quiet space janitor stares at the piles of diapers. If only, he thinks, they were disposable. We never would have been in this situation."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Is this going to be about robots?"

"SHUT UP!" yelled Jake. Olivia shrugged. Jake continued.

"The robots-" and Olivia rolled her eyes "-were created to wash the dirty diapers. Slowly, they developed thoughts. Then they developed comprehension. And then, they took over. Everything. EVVVREEYYYTHINNNNNG."

Ella's eyes were wide. Olivia's were not, but she accepted the story wasn't for her. Jake continued.

"This janitor, he was the last of the humans. He was old, too. He remembered the days before robots, when he was little, and he first had the idea for a diaper robot. His vision had DOOMED mankind!"

"Those are some serious diapers, I guess." Olivia mumbled. Jake glared, but kept going.

"And, on this day, the old janitor he had found a pack of Diapees Diapers, just like the ones YOU know and love, Ella! And he looked at the ultra-soft breathable sides and the non-woven acquisition layers and thought These! These could save my people from my horrible mistake!"

"Here comes the time travel," Olivia whispered. Jake glared into the darkness where she sat.

"And so, bravely, this janitor snuck into the machine's time travel booth with the eight pack case, and he hit the switch. And suddenly he was back! In the past! Before the robots! Standing on a pier with plenty of disposable diapers!"

Jake said nothing for a moment, to increase the drama. Ella was leaning forward, anticipating.

"But then, the janitor tripped, and fell on his face. And the Diapee Diapers, which are made by a company who makes diapers for several large retail chains around the world, spilled onto the sand. And, out of nowhere, a robot came to pick them up."

Olivia kept her mouth shut. Jake leaned in close to Ella's nose.

"And that was when the janitor saw the little boy. The little boy getting an idea. The idea that would doom his people. Because ... that little boy ... WAS HIM!"

Ella took a deep gasp and covered her eyes. Jake turned off the flashlight. In the dark, there was no sound, except for Olivia's slow clap.

Jake decided if he ever found a time machine, he'd go back and make his big sister less of a jerk.