Deluxe Velboa Floppy Seat

by wootbot

Reverse Psychology

A nice floppy seat gives your child a clean place to sit. But maybe you don't worry about keeping your child clean. Maybe you're not that kind of parent. Hmmm?

Sure, there are plenty of things you could put your child on instead of a comfy, clean, attractive, safety-tested seat like this. You don't need a shopping cart/high chair cover, do you? In fact, let's make a little list of all the things you'd rather have your child sit on.

 

- Half-eaten cakes. Sure, spongy drool-covered cakes are MUCH more comfy than a soft velboa fabric with 360° coverage on all sides. Bonus points if there's half-licked icing on top of each cake. That would make them much more interesting than some boring old cover that's machine washable and easy to clean. Who wouldn't prefer a throne of old cake over this floppy seat!

- Wild minks. Minks are soft, you know. They're also cruel and with sharp teeth, but who cares about that, right? Obviously you don't, that's why you aren't buying a 100% machine washable floppy seat with an easy-to-use elastic perimeter. You could slip it on to any size cart, but why? After all, throwing your baby into a pile of angry minks sounds SO much better.

- Fungi. Fungi is mysterious, often unknown. It can change people's minds, alter perception, and might one day take over the planet if not kept in check. Boy, won't THAT be better for your kid than a floppy seat with Loops Of Fun attached to help them hold their favorite toys? Better surrender to the fungi now, while there's still time.

But there's more! Your child could sit on gum, and paint, and a public bench that was sneezed on, and all the things that are soft and warm and far, far, FAR grosser than a nice floppy seat. So go on, just ignore this sale. Your child isn't worth it, are they? Better to just leave them to fend for themselves.

PS: we're being sarcastic, in case you couldn't tell. Buy the freakin' seat.