Deluxe Mini Play Cube

by wootbot

Level Up

In this play cube is literally every skill your child will one day need to know to beat every platformer the video game industry made from 1985 - 1998.

Don't believe us? Take a look! Go on, take a look, we don't mind waiting. Boot up any game from Spyro to Doom and you'll find the similar patterns that gaming is based on. Move this, turn that, type in the right letters, then fly through a tunnel at high speeds until you finally reach the boss. And what will you find on this cube? Essentially the exact same thing.

Now, we're not saying your child will find a key card hidden in the counting abacus, nor are we saying they'll collect coins by turning the gears. What we ARE saying is that game design didn't really progress very much in those early years, right? And it doesn't matter if you're playing Battletoads or Batman: The Movie The Game, you're still going to be doing basically the same thing.

If you want your child to have the edge over the other platform gamers, you need this Mini Play Cube. If you want your child to master all the classics you remember, you NEED this Mini Play Cube. Heck, they could probably even beat Ecco The Dolphin if you throw them in a pool with this Mini Play Cube!

But don't really throw your baby in a pool, please. That was just a hypothetical statement. Like when they said Daikatana was going to be good.