Look Ma! No legs!
Pro Tip: If you're pedaling, you're doing it wrong.Listen, kid. I don't have to be here. But let me remind you, YOU hired ME to teach you to ride a bike. You think I'm here out of the goodness of my own heart? No. So as I see it, you've got two options. Learn to ride a bike the Buck Kowalski way, or don't learn at all.
Better yet, learn to ride the bus. Because unless you listen to me, that's how you're going to be getting from place to place. And don't come crying when all your friends are cruising by on their lightweight steel frames with quick-release padded saddles and height-adjustable handlebars while you sit nose-to-armpit with Taki the Greek on the L-line.
So, what's it gonna be? You ready to get serious? Great. Strap on that helmet and LET'S DO THIS! Pro Tip: Don't open your mouth to scream. You'll inhale a lot of bugs, plus you'll sound like a total ween.