Advice For The Young
All babies are different... but not really THAT different.
"Mom?" Jessica called up the stairs towards the bathroom. "Are you using the cruelty-free homeopathic violet essence like we asked you to do?"
Ryan was looking out the window, nibbling a fingernail. "She must be, Jessica. We asked her specifically, we made it clear. If she was going to bathe her granddaughter, she was to keep to the Moonhawk Principles as outlined in Jesse Timberchuck's Mothering With The God Of Night."
"We told her, Ryan!" Jessica agreed. "We made it clear!"
"You did, honey," Sharon answered as she passed a very clean Bristol back to her mother. "But do you know what I did? I accidentally spilled all that toilet water right down the sink. So, as my little way of saying I'm sorry, I pre-bought you this."
Ryan tugged at his Van Dyke and looked cross. "That's a Baby Magic Gift Set. There's nothing special about that. My mother used that stuff on me."
"And I used it on Jessica. And Michelle, and Todd, and even Alex. And it worked just fine."
Jessica pressed her face into Bristol's hair. "It doesn't smell like the God of Night."
"No, it smells like a clean baby." Sharon took each item out of the basket one by one. "Body And Hair Wash. Gentle Lotion. Calming Baby Bath. All nine ounces. The little ones are the same thing, just two ounces each. And this hand puppet-looking washcloth."
Sharon refilled the plastic basket and folded up the handles. "That's everything you'll need for a little while, straight from the hands of a mommy. I don't know what a Moonhawk is but I'll bet you good money it never raised as many children as I did."
"A Moonhawk is the empowered spirit of parenting tied to the rise of Jupiter." Ryan said without thinking. Even Jessica stared at him then. And Sharon politely held out the Baby Magic Gift Set once more.
"I always thought you two were so much smarter than Michelle and Tim," Sharon said, "I just wish maybe you'd stop squandering yourselves on such horrible parenting books. Can't you learn a language? Or maybe take an electrician's course? Something that would actually matter?"
Jessica kissed Bristol's head sheepishly and took what her mother was offering. Ryan folded his arms and mumbled a thank you. Bristol slapped her hands together and started to laugh.