A Woot Classic Moment
We’re too caught up in the frenzied celebration of our 10th birthday to write about today's product. Check out this refurbi- uh, classic write-up.
Power Corrupts (April 2007): BANG! I jolted awake to the crash of my door being busted in and gaped at the two bulky forms silhouetted against the hallway light. Damn cheap flophouse locks. One of the shapes moved into the room and flicked on the overhead bulb. Little Antny half-scowled, half-smirked down at me. Behind him loomed Jimmy the Fist – yeah, only one fist. He’d lost his left arm years ago, but one good right fist was all he needed in his line of work.
"Alright, you turd, let’s make this easy," Little Antny spat. "You got one chance and one chance only to come clean: where’s the boss’s Audiovox DP96U 96-Watt DC-to-AC Power Inverter?"
I forced a yawn. "I don’t know what you’re talking about."
"Gonna play it for laughs, huh, smart guy?" Antny wasn’t buying it. "Your funeral. I was you, though, I’d cut the comedy and start singing. The boss gets cranky when he can’t run his notebook PC off of the car lighter in his limo. And when my boss gets cranky, people get hurt." Jimmy the Fist blew on his knuckles for emphasis.
"Look, guys, I’d love to help you -" At a nod from Little Antny, Jimmy the Fist took a giant step toward me and popped me one in the jaw before I knew what was what. I thought dumbly, wow, he’s fast for such a big guy.
"That clear your head? Maybe jar your memory a little? If not, Jimmy’d be happy to give you an encore performance."
I changed tack, putting on a terrified face. "No, no, listen, I don’t have the inverter but I’ve heard things."
Antny smiled. "Please, share."
"Nick the Syrian’s been trying to peddle a power inverter around the neighborhood. Never shows it to anybody but goes on about its 96 watts of continuous AC power, about how you can use it any any 12V cigarette lighter port. I don’t know if it’s the same one -"
"You don’t know much, do you, fleabag?" Antny nodded again and Jimmy lifted me off the floor by my lapels – both lapels in his one giant hand. "I’ll go have a talk with Nick the Syrian. But if you’re blowing smoke, swear on my mother’s grave you’ll have more trouble than you know what to do with. Come on, Jimmy – dump that garbage. We got an appointment with Nick the Syrian."
Like that, they were gone. The time had come for me to leave town. If I hurried, I could make the 2:15 redeye to Baltimore before Antny caught on. I pulled my case off of the shelf in the closet. Shaking with adrenaline, I grabbed my last pair of good pants out of the bureau and threw it in the suitcase, along with a couple of shirts, my razor, and my Audiovox DP96U 96-Watt DC-to-AC Power Inverter. Wonder what kind of town Baltimore is. I hear the seafood’s good.