Too bad they don't make these in adult sizes.
Buy this rocker: if you just want to get some laundry done, for the love of all that is good and holy.
Don't buy this rocker: for your pet beagle.
In 99% of uses, this rocker doesn't: have a mild-mannered record-exec alter ego.
Left to its own devices, this rocker would: moonlight as a cowboy bar bucking bronco.
Some skeptics wonder: if the three-point restraint can keep your kid from saying embarrassing things when they're older.